The Sunday before Christmas, my cousin Josh texted me at 5pm telling me to come to his apartment in NYC and go Christmas shopping with him the next day. In the city. so by 5:46pm, I was at the train station, on a train, duffle bag slung over my shoulder, backpack packed with a bottle of wine and a bag of christmas cookies, headed to New York. By myself, no prior planning, not knowing where I'm going, let alone how to get to his apartment. I walked up to the street from Penn Station and it was brisk and refreshing. I was alone, and I took a deep breath and looked around. I was just astounded by how many people and things can be going on in one place at the same time, without any of them aware of the other. We ate pizza when I found him, two slices each, as big as our faces, and I've never felt so full. Josh, if you read this, the only thing worth remembering from that night was the act of piercing an imaginary fruit(?) on the spiked leaf of that plant in your room. The only thing I remember. That, and Pink Elephants from dumbo. If you have no idea what I'm talking about, just, google it. That should NOT have been in a children's movies. Truly nightmare material. If I gained one piece of knowledge from this trip, it was to never go Christmas shopping within 5 days of Christmas at Macy's in the city. Just. don't do it.
Christmas came and went, with presents and family and good meals and good times. Christmas reminds me of warmth. Fire places, hot chocolates, new pajamas and snuggly blankets, snuggly people. People are warmer during those times too. Softer versions of themselves, despite the cold weather.
After Christmas, yet again, spontaneously, Robbie and I decided to drive to Vermont to visit our Aunt, Uncle, and Cousins to go skiing and snowboarding. Rob and I can only put up with each other one on one for a limited amount of time, and it turns out, that period of time is approximately 9 hours. Which is how long our 5 hour trip ended up taking. They live in a Ski-on Ski-off condo, which means there is a trail right on the Okemo Mountain that leads to their condo. It's the only thing that makes going snowboarding worth it, to me. It saves time for parking, and walking to the lodge carrying all of your gear. and it lets you take breaks whenever you feel like it. Just what I need. My cousins are 6 and 9 years old, and spending extended periods of time with them always makes me laugh. Children are brutally, brutally honest, because they don't know how to be anything else. They call things how they see them, and don't quite understand social cues yet, and conversational etiquette. and sometimes they're just genuinely funny. Our time in Vermont lasted four days, and consisted of lots of snow, skiing and snowboarding, eating, watching tv, and playing trivia crack. I got my entire family to play it. Even my 9 year old cousin. The trip home went much smoother than the one up there, and we stopped at the Vermont Country Store, stocking up on cheese, syrup, and gifts for mom. Classic Vermont.
New Year's Eve for me was spent at my friend's house whose mother had just recently passed away. He was living in the house by himself for all of break. It was just him and his mom in the house, and now it's just him. Seeing a kid you grew up with, who is your age, having to pack all of his belongings from his house that he wanted to keep, knowing that everything he left behind would be gone, elicits a lot of odd emotions. Mostly empathy though. But that's where we spent our New Year's Eve. With lots of close friends, and good people. Midnight came and went, and no kisses were to be had, so I popped a bottle of champagne and we all toasted to the new year, always hoping that it will be better than the last, and that we would be better people than we were. The next day, a bunch of us went back to help him clean up, and pack things, and put them in a storage unit. 3:30am the next morning, Andrew and Lucas picked me up and we drove him to Newark Airport, this potentially being his last time living in Point Pleasant. He goes to school in Florida, and may not come back after this flight. I can't imagine what it's like to leave a place you've called home your whole life, and not go back. This part of my break had a strong impact on me. Looking back on it, we took it so lightly, for the heavy situation that it was. I just want to be a nicer person. and I want other people to realize that being nice is easy. and that everyone has feelings and stories that you don't know about, and that sometimes all you need is to be surrounded by friends, and you can make it though anything. I didn't want to disclose this, but since I'm not saying his name, I just want to tell you that she passed away from a suicide. and I know this is a heavy topic. but I just want you to know, if you're reading this, that I love you, and so many other people love you, and that suicide is a very permanent solution to temporary problems, and that nothing is worth it. YOU are worth it. and you have to take every day you wake up as a gift, because there are only going to be so many of those days.
*Deep breath*
*Pause*
Moving on. Sorry it got deep. but I had to talk about it, because it means a lot to me. That night after the airport, we drove one hour all the way to Princeton, NJ, just to eat all-you-can-eat Sushi. and it was totally worth it.
I took one of the most difficult trips I've taken in a while with my family over this break. and it was to Bethlehem, PA, where I go to school. I had to go into the house I lived in first semester, and pack up all of my things, put them in a Uhaul, bring them to a storage unit, and say good-bye to last semester for good. The physical movement of the objects wasn't the part that made it the most difficult. It was the reason behind the moving. Which I will leave unwritten, because, well, it's in the past. and I don't need to dwell on it. I doubt anybody involved would even read this blog right now anyway, but, still. There's something humbling about moving. Packing all of my shit into boxes. moving furniture. Those things don't make up who I am. We all own so many things, and have so much stuff, but on the inside, we could be completely empty. I'm not sure where this paragraph is going, so I'm going to cut it off here. Although I will say, without my mom and step dad and my two brothers having my back, I do not know where I would be. They tell me the things I don't want to hear, but need to. and they help me with the things that alone I wouldn't be able to face, and push me in the direction that I deserve to be going. They're the hot air under my balloon. Without them I'd be on the ground in a crumpled mess, with all of the potential to break through the atmosphere and no driving force behind it. Family is everything.
A few days later, with very brief planning, Emac, Andrew, Lucas and I went to Boston. We didn't know where we were going or what we would do, but Lucas goes to school there, so we knew we had a place to stay. Five hours in a car with those people is something I would do over and over again. There's something about a good group of friends that makes time feel irrelevant. You know what I mean? Hours feel like minutes. Days like nothing. Months like seconds. Time doesn't exist. Just people and inside jokes and music and laughter. It's like being in an hour glass where the sand doesn't fall, despite it being turned upside down. Boston was COLD. actually, cold is an understatement. everywhere we went, we bundled in all of the layers we could find, our faces red from the biting cold and wind. We walked dozens of thousands of steps, thanks to Andrews step counter. We did everything 20 year olds in Boston should do. Saw all the of the places to see, walked on frozen ponds, ate pastries and italian food and more all-you-can-eat sushi and indian food and pizza. We cooked each other breakfast, and danced around in our pajamas, and cleaned the shower, and played Sorry (the worst game in existence) and rode the T, for hours. Emac got pooped on. and we played Crossy Road (app on iphones) for hours on end. For all who didn't know, Kegel is when you contract and release pelvic muscles. and now whenever I hear the world Kegel, (pronouced key-gull) I physically cannot resist Kegelling. it's sick. Sorry. this got weird. Moving on.
The last couple days of break were spent packing. sitting around. and packing. Sunday came and I picked up Emac, said goodbye to my family, and made my way back to Lehigh with a heavy heart and an anxious mind. Moving into my new house wasn't easy. Physically and emotionally, but new is good. Change is good. Fortunately, the gears of my mind were set to recruitment, and for that, I was thankful and resentful at the same time. Being in a situation where four of your best friends are no longer speaking to you and you're forced to be in the same vicinity as them for a week straight, is painful. and it sucks. and yet, being surrounded by an entire chapter of girls who love you, and by certain friends who actually care about you, it gives you something to keep you going. a small something, but a something. I distracted myself as best I could, asking how I could be helpful, doing my best to keep busy and keep my head down, plunged so far into an activity that I didn't have the space in my brain to think about anything else. Some things got more bearable as the days went on, but I just want to touch on the fact that I am a human. Just like all of you. We all have feelings, and things going on in our lives, and sometimes it's easy to not think of someone else as a human. They just exist, but their feelings don't. but that's never the case. Your actions speak way louder than your words. I guess the point of me typing this, is that hopefully if you read this, you will remember that the things you do affect people, whether or not you realize it all of the time.
Recruitment was a success, and we have the most beautiful, wonderful new member class we could have asked for. I am so proud of all of my Zeta sisters for the hard work you put into recruitment, and to all my new sisters, if you're reading this, welcome to the sisterhood. We are so lucky to have you.
Soooo this was basically a novella. Oops. I tried to keep each topic short and to the point. If I keep up daily posts, I will definitely make sure they're back to normal length. If you've made it this far in the post, thanks for bearing with me. You're wonderful.
shameless selfie because it's sunday
the best big in the entire world. love ya mad
our AMAZING new member class of 2k15
The TLCs (Nicole and Niki) painted us all with awesome glitter and dots for recruitment. My little is so cute.
Thanks for playing. here's the song that pretty much echoed throughout my life this entire break. I can't believe I have school tomorrow. Not even real. I just want to shut up and dance or something.
