It's been about two weeks since I posted last but honestly, I don't have too much to post about.
There's been a couple of snow storms since then. The first one, we actually went out side and had a snowball fight and made a snowman and just romped around in the snow. When I say 'we' I mean my younger brother and me. Sometimes I actually don't want to hit him in the face, and he's an okay kid. He's even got me on my own diet and workout schedule. We'll see how this goes. I almost typed "fingers crossed" but crossing my fingers will do absolutely nothing. I should say "busting my ass on my elliptical bike and ab workouts". Do you know where fingers crossed comes from? Its origin is in the early Christian church. Crossing your fingers invoked the power of the Christian Cross (makes sense) when in the face of Evil. That's pretty legit. Nowadays I guess it's just for good luck I suppose.
I've decided electronics are slowly sucking out our souls. Not on a religious standpoint at all, obviously, but they are just taking the life from us that we are so fortunate to have. Friendships and Relationships are made so much more complex than they need to be. I mean, remember having to physically GO to somebody's house to see if they were home and if they wanted to play with you? Or you could call them on their house phone, "hello Mrs. So-and-so, is _______ home?" having phone etiquette and such. How is it possible to be in a room with someone else and be more attracted to what's going on inside of your electronic device? You literally have a living human being there and you'd rather look at some plastic, glass, and circuits. Blows my mind. We get so wrapped up in texting and twittering and facebooking it's weird. Like picture not being from earth and seeing us, walking around staring at something in our hands instead of the world around us, shoulders hunched, head down, oblivious. I was watching TV last night with my parents and cat, and the cat was staring at the TV too. So my mom narrates the cat's thoughts (she does this a lot folks), "if everyone else is staring at the light box on the wall, so will I". Even if she didn't mean to, she said something pretty profound. That's all it is. A box of light. and we just stare at it. and fill us up with thoughts and images. What ever happened to challenging your mind, imagination and stuff? I dunno man, but I think we should all close our laptops a little sooner instead of watching that 13th episode in a row on Netflix, shut off our TVs instead of watching that 4th episode of Friends (because let's face it you've probably seen it before anyway), let your phone die, and leave it dead for a little while. It's so hard to be unreachable now, that it almost is a privilege (spelled that wrong 4 times..). I think we should all be a little more aloof. Read more books, listen to more records, draw more doodles, hang more decorations, walk to more places, drive to our friends houses and knock on their door to see what they're doing, go to see a show in the city, do the laundry for your mother, write a song, teach yourself how to play an instrument, solve a rubik's cube, find a song that none of your friend's have heard before, just do more things. because however nice the internet is and texting and all that jazz, it's not real. it's not tangible. if one day all the power went out and we couldn't charge our shit, we wouldn't have it. SO .. that's that. go be a person.
I've been baking so much lately, our house smells so good. Sugar cookies, CHocolate chip, almond jellies, peanut butter blossoms, lemon bars, holiday bars, and I just want to stuff my face. My diet has mainly consisted of cookie dough, and more cookie dough. and sometimes an orange Sanpellegrino fizzy juice. love. but anyway that's inspired this list.
Ten Things to be sure you do this Holiday Season:
1. Bake something delicious. And then find somebody to enjoy it with. Nobody is on a diet during the Holidays. and if you are, well, stop it. eat a cookie it won't kill you.
2. Buy your relatives or friends gifts, or make them gifts, or just wrap something and give it to them. It won't only make them feel good, it'll make you feel good.
3. Instead of Mass Texting everyone a "merry Christmas!", make it personal. stick their name in there somewhere. The world is so much less personal now.
4. Sing Christmas Songs Reallly Really loud, when given the chance. The shower has wonderful acoustics. and it's very hard to frown while belting "Jingle Bells"
5. If you're Jewish, say Happy Hanukkah, and if you're Christian or Catholic? Say Merry Christmas. Whatever you believe in, just say that. And who cares if someone wishes me Happy Hanukkah and I'm not Jewish, I mean hey, at least they said something nice to me.
6. Get a Christmas Tree and decorate it. It will give you a few hours to do something productive and beautiful and unique. NOBODY'S christmas trees look the same. Don't you want your own little magical something?
7. Believe in something. Whether it's Santa Claus, or yourself, or your friend, or miracles, or humanity, just believe in something.
8. Watch Elf, on repeat.
9. Don't be a Grinch. Nobody likes a sour puss at their Ugly Sweater Gingerbread House Making party. Everybody else is having more fun than you anyway, ugly sweater and all.
10. Most importantly, don't be selfish. There are like 10987 different ways to be selfish this holiday season, so don't do any of them. Maybe donate some presents to a shelter. or help out at your local church. Give your neighbor a jar of homemade eggnog or a fruitcake. Let the kid at the store take the last of whatever it is you want. I dunno. Do something bigger than yourself.
I'm so Gung-ho holidays this season it's ridiculous. I can't wait to live in my house. It's gonna be like santa's workshop up in this bitch. Cookies and wrapping paper and lights and trees and elves. Yep. It'll smell like heaven, basically, if heaven smells like freshly baked goods and scotch tape and pine. Here's to wishing you all a very merry Christmas (if I don't post before then). And hopefully if my meeting with the Dean of Students along with a few other important people goes well, I'll be on my way back to Lehigh in January! I could not be more excited about something (besides Christmas). I'll admit there are a few things I am having reserves about, but overall, I cannot wait to be back at school.
now then, a few songs I put on my "songs to BLAST while you're alone" playlist..
I was bored at work today so my mom told me to read a book. I told her I forgot a book so she told me to write one. Here is a short story I wrote at work. Inspired by Welsh Farms and all of the people I've met.
Life in the Drive Thru Lane:
by: Aly Lang
Pants that are too long so you step on the bottoms of them with your heels. but not long enough to fold up and not look stupid. Rolled them anyway, up over the tops of a pair of Chuck Taylors. Sitting in the office chair, with my feet up like I own the place, listening. Just listening. The hum of the heater making it bearable to be working in the winter, the occasional clunking of the freezer making all of the ice cream nice and cold, the constant whirring of the coffee machine keeping the coffee at perfect sipping temperature, the wall-length cooler keeping all of the drinks at a chilly 38 degrees sounding like a cruise liner idling in the harbor, my harbor, my register where customers pull up, dock, fill up on goods, and embark on the next part of their journey. I see so many people come in and out of this place, I only know them for a moment, I don't know what they were doing before this and I don't know what they'll do after they leave. It's unbearable how many things are unknown that my brain can't comprehend. That's where my imagination comes into play. That's how most religions were formed I guess now that I think about it. These people have their own journies, their own stories, they have their own worlds, that are completely different than mine. I've only known my world, but it's fun to think about what everybody else's world is like. I have money in my pocket, a job, I have a mom and a dad and a step dad and two brothers, I have my brain and my health, and I have a car, I go to college, I'm in a sorority, I have people who love me, but more importantly I have people that I love, I live in a house in nice town, I have my own bedroom, I have a cellphone, I think there are so many things that make me happy it's almost not real. These are all things that make up my world. I have my own story. and so does everybody else. And while I'm bored at work, I like to play the ultimate speculating game, as I wonder about those stories. Your stories, their stories, his stories and hers, all of them. Here are some things that I see..
The elderly woman with the bruise on her lip, did she win a fight, or fall down the stairs? I'll never know. It is such a tease. It's like seeing trailers for 100 movies a night, but never being allowed to see the films. If you were a normal person with a brain that runs slower than mine does (which is about 3248432 miles per second) this probably wouldn't bother you in the slightest. But my brain is like a clock on crack. Not even a clock. Because it isn't as reliable as a clock. Clocks strike twelve twice a day, just like they're supposed to. My brain can't be trusted to do anything like that. Sometimes it strikes twice, and sometimes it doesn't strike anything at all, and sometimes it won't stop striking over and over and over and over and over and over again.
A business man in a button down shirt and tie. He buys eggs. He smells like cinnamon and leather. followed by a man in paint-spattered sweatpants who smells like cigarettes. For all I can tell, they lead lives completely un parallel to each other. Maybe their morals are completely different. Maybe their political parties hate each other, or maybe they don't have a political party at all and don't vote. Maybe one's divorced with kids that hate him and maybe one is all his kids have. How will I ever know? But maybe they like the same sports team and have high-fived each other at a game once? or maybe they drank a beer at a bar together. The ties between them are both infinite and nonexistent, simultaneously. It's a scary thought that could drive someone (like me) completely insane.
For every cigarette pack someone buys, I think to my self Why that pack? Why that brand? Is that the first kind they've tried and they stuck with it, or have they explored all their options thoroughly prior to making a commitment? Who says what style is the right one anyway? This is America, and we should be able to kill ourselves slowly in any manner we so choose, whether it is analytically thought out or not. I can just tell when someone is going to buy cigarettes. I've never been surprised. not once. usually they drive up, cigarette in mouth, as if it's their last one and they can't bear the thought to breathe one breath of real air. Others order them with raspy voices of long term users and others between coughs spit their brand of choice at me like I should already know. Others still, pull up and don't even let me greet them, their order is out of their mouths before I get the door fully opened, as if I am insulting them by not having it in my hand already as they pull up. Forget the niceties, they mean business. Maybe they can't be bothered with small talk; they know what they want and when they want it. That's fair I suppose. we have the freedom to be rude to whomever we so choose. However, the speed at which you bark orders at me does not always correlate to an increase in the speed at which I humbly serve you. Although, most often it will cause a severe decrease.
The woman who ordered one small Redbull and one Large redbull did not smile at me once. not once through our entire transaction from greeting to departure. She wants to be unhappy and do unhappy things faster than anyone has ever done them before. Slow down lady. Seriously.
Having to go to the bathroom at work is harder than any high school sport I've ever played. Ya gotta lock both doors and make a break for it to the bathroom all the way in the back, praying you don't hear a Bing for the next 45 seconds because Dammit I can't make myself pee faster, or I might end up with a popped blood vessel in my eye. Doing the dishes is a daunting task as well. We don't have any hot water in the sink so it's like washing metal dishes in the Arctic Ocean. You know the one by Iceland and Greenland and Russia and canada and stuff? With glaciers in it? yeah. Barehanded. Not quite sure the legality of that one actually. Pretty sure hot water is a quintessential thing.
I'm sitting here with my salted cashews and some lady comes in and buys chips, sour cream, and onion dip mix. What I wouldn't give for that right now. Probably an arm and a Leg. Well, maybe a hand and a foot. Actually.. Let's be real, more like a shoe.. or a shoelace.
I've gotten two One dollar tips tonight, and met an adorable rescue dog named Bricks. He was massive. I gave him a treat and he sat like a good boy. I made sure he was aware that he was a good boy.
"What size waters do you have?' 12 oz. 1 Liter, and gallon "I'll take the gallon." What are you using all of that water for? are you going on a long road trip? how thirsty can one man be.
Crossword-Lottery Lady, named as such, purchases three $3 crosswords per purchase, per visit, and visits multiples times per night. Although I've never seen her win more than $20, she's convinced that every 15-25 lottery tickets there is a big winner. Hey, keep dreaming, but remember, it's just a game, lady.
A father of a college student is seen wandering around the back of my store. So obviously I go outside to investigate. He explains his son is a marketing major and his professor doesn't believe in the existence of drive-thru convenience stores. Obviously I pose for a picture and he is on his way.
A woman with her dark hair in a Perfect bun with a lip piercing pulls up and orders something, cigarettes maybe. Diet coke maybe. I don't remember. As she's leaving she says to me "take it easy." I think that's my favorite farewell you can give to someone. I mean, there's Goodbye, See ya later, Have a nice night/day/evening/holiday, have a good one, etc. But Take it easy is just the best. I feel like more people should take it easy once in a while.
I keep hearing clunking noises coming from the back, and one was so loud my heart sank to my butt, I grabbed a pair of scissors, and was prepared to get robbed. Turns out it was just the freezers, but I have no idea why they were making that noise. Then something funny crossed my mind. What on earth would I have done with scissors? So, I set out on a little reconnaissance mission to see what weapons I have at my disposal in case god forbid someone does decide to come into my store and have the intent to harm me. I found a Hammer, the scissors, a retractable razor blade, and a 7-inch serrated bread knife with a handle. What would you choose? I think I would go for the hammer. Nice hefty whack with a blunt object seemed like the most opportune choice, if I came in close enough contact with the person. Although, I think I would just offer him some hot cocoa, a bag of chips, a pack of cigarettes, and someone to talk to for an hour and maybe he wouldn't want to kill and rob me.
It blows my mind when I think about people. Everyone was born and was a child and had a childhood before they grew up to be people. Like George Washington and Hitler and Martin Luther King Jr. were all babies once, who crapped themselves and needed someone else to take care of them. Weird right? our parents or whoever raised us, they were raised once too. I dunno, it just seems so humbling to think everyone in the world started pretty much the same as us. It's a little bit humorous and a little bit scary.
Most of the time I like to do the right thing for the right reason, but sometimes.. I do the wrong thing for no reason at all, just because I can. Sometimes I like to do nothing at all, and sometimes I want to do everything and anything all at once. The universe is a big scary place, and sometimes it is nice to be able to choose what you do, it makes you feel powerful and whole and real. Because we aren't always going to be able to make our own choices. So we should seize every chance we get. I choose to send christmas gifts and to drive too fast and listen to music too loud and play video games for days and work out at really weird times of the day and eat to much or eat nothing at all, because I can. I think "I can" is sometimes the best reason in existence to do something. If you can do it, then you should. Simple as that. Try this, try saying out loud all of the things that you have. Like I listed about myself in the first paragraph of this story. Don't do it in your head, because if it's in your head, it isn't real yet. Put the words out there for your ears to hear, for the world to hear, not for your brain to just think about and swish around like mouthwash. It's interesting how much you realize you have if you stop and think for a minute. just a minute. Start talking to yourself, instead of just thinking to yourself. It makes a difference I promise.
And that's what life in the drive-thru lane as taught me today.
THE END
I don't have much more to say. My blog's hiatus is over I guess so let's recap what we missed (it wasn't much)
Monica came to visit from out west and we had amazing thanksgiving break (hi mernshern)
too much food was eaten
new york city is big and scary and breathtaking all at once. It's like people who live there are compelled by magic that the rest of us just can't see, but to be surrounded by it is a mixture of overwhelming and awe and frightening and loud and big.
I have an amazing family who sometimes likes to get together for holidays and have a good time.
Exercise, sleep, a decent diet, and a hobby are four of the best things you can do/have for your body and soul and overall well-being of yourself I think.
Getting up and getting dressed every day helps you feel good. It makes you feel like you have a purpose or a place to be or something to do. If you hangout in sweat pants all day, it's easy to feel like you're in a slump all day. Get up, brush your teeth, put real clothes on, eat something not totally horrible for you, and you will feel better than being a couch potato. It might not be some drastic difference, it might be subtle, but I swear there's a difference. (but don't get me wrong, I love getting home from the day and taking my pants off as fast as I can to put on my cookie pants).
If you come across something you are hesitant about doing, count to three and just do it. You can't wait too long or it'll pass, so just count to three and don't hold back. Whether it's introducing yourself, or asking a question, kissing someone, or anything really. Just count and do.
Think of all the people you admire, or just one person. Take what they do that you admire so much and apply it to yourself. Instead of seeing people doing admirable things, do them yourself. Be the person that you like to see in other people. If we take enough little bits of other people and mix it in with who we currently are, well, I think you'd get a pretty well rounded human being. That's what I'm trying to do anyway. Being me is great and all, but I look up to so many other people, I want to be someone that people look up to, too.
Thanks for reading, sorry for the suspension. Long story. don't ask.
Here's a song or two that makes me happy. enjoy xx
I find acoustic songs to be so much better than the originals
I am feeling so many things right now, words haven't been created for me to properly express them. Sometimes it's like I'm an empty shell. I look normal on the outside, but if you hit me hard enough, I would shatter into a million little pieces and there would be nothing inside. Like one of those Wonderballs when we were kids, the hollow chocolate balls with candies inside? Yeah, but my candies are missing. Or I'm like a balloon, with a thin translucent layer, and all it takes is a sharp prick, and I'll explode.
I cleaned my room tonight because when I'm upset I clean, and I was listening to paramore and lying on my newly visible carpet, staring at my ceiling fan. All of the sudden my cat came up and just laid down next to me. Didn't even say a word, just laid there. I was thinking a weird thought. If I didn't wake up tomorrow, just poof, died, was gone, I would be okay with it. If I dropped out of school, quit my job, ran away from home, threw away my phone and all of my clothes, and then poof, well, I would be okay with it. I'm not saying I want this to happen, So don't try and make me see a doctor, but I'm just saying, if it did happen, I really wouldn't mind. Interesting what lying on a floor staring at a ceiling fan can make you think. Dying is literally so normal it's weird. It's as normal as being born, and existing.
Also.. this:
pure genius.
Telling somebody to "grow up" doesn't make sense to me. It is as logical as telling somebody "get taller!". The logical is similar because there is nothing we can physically do to get taller, we get taller every second of every day, and there's nothing we can do to change the process of height. We know we will be taller one day, but we can't make that day come any sooner. So, saying "get taller" does nothing. Similarly with "grow up", we are growing up every moment of every day. Even if we are told by somebody to grow up, how can them telling us that possibly help us to grow? That's like yelling at a tree to make air faster. Make air, tree! Or like telling a dog, Be Loyal! or telling a pot of water, Boil faster! These things just take time. They are happening, and like the tree and the pot and the dog, they need to be given the opportunity to do the things they are capable of doing. Being told to do something that you aren't physically, mentally, or emotionally able to do any quicker than you are already doing it is a seriously frustrating thing. And it's an upsetting kind of frustration because you are trying, and you want to do better and be better, but it comes in time. Not all at once, and especially not in the moment that you are being told to do so.
Today I went to the vet to check on one of the kitties. Nothing drastic. Doctor appointment today, I'm getting more headaches lately. Which isn't great news, but it's not the worst that could be happening. They come either at the back of my head by my neck or right in the front, behind my eyes. Those are the worst kind. They're almost blinding. I got my eyebrows waxed today So i look like a normal human again. AND put gas in my car. who would've known it would've came in handy later on today. Tunafish sub in a tub for lunch. Then tori came over for what would've been a jam session at my house, but since my mom was throwing a total shit fit, it was moved to her house. Here's what came from that ...
Then, since I was absolutely not trying to go home, I took a way longer drive than normal. 35 to Seaside and back, 71 to Asbury and back. Got a lot of thinking done. and listening to some great music. Did my summer playlist and oh my was it full of glorious throwbacks. Songs just suck you back into a moment in time. It's great. magic. poof. Picked up spano's for dinner, but forgot to offer my mom something for dinner, Can't win, ever.
Advice I wish I had given myself:
When you're angry with someone, it's so easy to say things based off of emotions and impulses. But you have to remember that words have a certain energy about them. Once they're said, they exist. They don't go away. Their energy clings to the person you said them to, either filling them up, or in this case, breaking them down. With enough negative words, well.. picture a person covered in leeches. That's what I picture. Negative words are leeches, they stick around sometimes without even you noticing they're there (trust me, leeches are sneaky and you can't even feel them), but one day you'll look to find that they've taken everything and left you empty. Words are special. I mean, they are our primary source of communication. So when you say things, remember that they stick around long after you regret saying them. Have you heard of the children's book "Have you filled a bucket today?" It's quite applicable, for adults and young adults as well. Basically, everyone is always carrying invisible buckets at all times. When you say nice things to people, it helps fill their bucket as well as your own. When you say mean things to people, it empties their bucket, and doesn't fill yours at all. Buckets are like happiness basically. Wouldn't the world be better if we went around filling buckets instead of emptying them? Just saying. Do good, feel good.
I wish Saturday would hurry up. Robbie needs to come home already. and then monica. and then all of my friends.
5 people done for Christmas gifts, only a few left. Somethings I ordered from Lehigh were out of stock, so then sent me only 1 of the things I ordered. Cool cool. Guess I'll just have to order new stuff and cross my fingers that they have it. Although, I'm Super pumped to have a job and money and can get nice things for people who are nice to me. Although my love should be a suitable gift, I think tangible gifts will be a nice addition.
Work tonight is exceptionally average minus one or two people. I notice if I smile at people, they stop what they're saying, or stammer. Maybe my smile is just that stunning. Or what if no one has smiled at them all day? Imagine a world where you only see a real life smile once a day? How sad. A boy I went to high school with came in tonight. He recognized me before I did him. He told me I was having a nice hair day. How sweet was that? We've been chatting since. Also, a friend from high school messaged me yesterday and it put a smile on my face. We spent a year thinking we hated one another, and then it was just awk sauce and now it's normal. (Hey you).
I was talking to VD tonight (good luck on your history exam tomorrow!) and she gave me some advice about people and rumors that I liked.
"We can't just go by what other people have heard. If we did that, people would be very lonely"
-Victoria DeLena
And then after work I picked her up and took one of those famous "drives in Aly's car down 35" my friends seem to like so much. I do them all the time alone, but company makes all the difference. Good music played real loud, good people, and good talks. It's a recipe for friendship and good feelings. It's like for those 45 minutes nothing really matters. I feel significant and insignificant at the same time. Filled up so big by feeling good, while looking up at the stars and out at the sea and feeling so small. It's an interesting paradoxical feeling that I live for. It's funny that we are tiny little blips on a pale blue dot in space. Truly, in the scope of the universe, we don't even matter. We don't make one difference. But maybe to one person or a couple people, we can make all the difference in the world. I know that some people make up my world. No matter how small of a part you think you play, it's much bigger I promise.
Lost in my Mind - The head and the heart
Why do cats love walking/sitting/lying on computers so badly? I do not understand the appeal. The world may never know.
Please take me to bed mommy. I'm tired meow.
why yes, that IS an entire glass of milk on the floor. Thanks Santino (who is no longer felix). Thinking he could jump onto my night stand. Ah well. no use crying over spilled milk?
also , here's a quick tip :
"Life becomes easier when you accept an apology you never got"
Let's just say one of the best things that's ever happened was when a way to auto-save documents was created. because guess who just accidentally exited out of the tab with this post in it without saving it to a draft manually this. This girl. Yep. when I came back, it was still here. Hallelujah.
I woke up this morning to the cutest cat I've ever seen, curled up at the end of my bed. We had a cat when I was younger but he died by the time I was 10. I'm not used to cuddly, fluffy, confusing love that you get from a cat. I say confusing because you pet them, and they pur, and they love it, and yet, they just want to bite you. They run away from you when you want to love them, but when you sit down alone on your computer, then want to be in your lap. Even though it's confusing love, it's still love, so I'll take it. If two cats I just met yesterday can love me, I should be able to love me too.
I watched more TV today than I usually do. Two things on that peaked my interest, both being on TLC. Which stands for "The Learning Channel" btw. In case any of you didn't know. Because believe me, I know some of you didn't know that. The first show is Long Island Medium. My name is Theresa Caputo. and I talk to dead people. I think the show is amazing. I'm not sure how corny and fake you think it is, but I think it's truly fantastic. There have been so many real things that happened on that show, and she's just a person, with a family, and well.. talks to dead people. There was a normal episode on, followed by a "questions" episode where theresa and her family answer fan questions. It was interesting to see them not necessarily "acting". I like that. I like seeing my favorite actors and actresses in interviews, because it makes them more real. American Horror Story this week touched on the afterlife, or, lackthereof. I'm not too concerned about it. Either there is something or there isn't something, but How are we going to know anyway? Cause we'll be dead. Maybe the time we're alive is the only time we get. and maybe there's so much more. Regardless, it doesn't matter, because we'll never know. In american Horror story, they bring a girl back from the dead and her friend asks her if she saw a bright light, and she said no. just darkness. black. Obviously that's just a fiction tv series' take on it, but it's food for thought.
The next show, which I am currently watching is "Letters to Jackie: Remembering JFK". It's amazing. How little I knew about JFK. Turns out he was assassinated in Dallas, TX. Good to know. He was the youngest president the US has ever had, elected at 43. He was the first president to be born in the 20th century. I can't imagine what it's like to find out the leader of your nation is dead. The show said people just started breaking down and weeping in the streets. I'm not sure if they were so upset because they lost John F. Kennedy the person, or John F. Kennedy the President. Because He seems like one of those guys that you feel like you know without ever meeting. I'm not sure how I would feel if the President was assassinated right now. Obviously I would be sad, because he's a human being, and a father, husband, all that. But how would I feel, how would it impact me in short term and long term? I'm not sure. Same goes for 9-11. For every day of my life up until and including 9-10-01, I lived a world where the twin towers were just really tall pretty buildings. Who knew that the falling of those towers would forever scar the date 9-11 for everyone in my generation and older. It blows my mind that kids who are 12, 13, 14.. aren't old enough to remember it. Not saying that being 7 years old I knew the impact it had on the world right then and there, but I at least remember it happening, being pulled out of school, watching the news, etc. and I'm sure that's how people feel about the JFK assassination, or at least similarly. I wasn't alive for it, it didn't affect me truly and actually. But it's still important because it's a part of this country's history, and he was just an awesome guy, who was a son and a husband and a father. This show is just proving to me that people care about other people. Because it's not called "letters about JFK" its specifically called Letters to Jackie, because that's what these people were doing. Writing to a woman who just lost her husband. It makes me smile a sad smile.
"I thought if the american people cried hard enough and long enough, that we would wake up"
Like when Tinkerbell was dying in Peter Pan, if the children clapped loud enough, and America cried hard enough, She would wake up, and the nightmare would be gone. I feel like we all feel like this sometimes. I know I have. about one thing or another. That maybe if you close your eyes as hard as you can, when you open them, it'll be true.
I feel like we don't have figures as "great" as ones that existed in the past. Who is the modern day JFK or MLK? Who will there be holidays for when My children have children?
Handwritten letters are so underrated. We should all write letters more.
We renamed our cats again. Now the Little kitty is named Katniss, and we're calling the black one Felix. He really warmed up to me today. By midday he was following me around and letting me pet him, and right now he's snuggled up next to me sleeping as I type this. Kitty isn't too far either, just an arms reach away, being as cute as ever.
a song from one of my favorite movies, 500 days of summer, with zooey deschanel and Joseph gordon-levitt
Since I'm typing this passed midnight, I need to give a little shout out to my girl Molly Higgins, Happy 20th Birthday betch. Congrats on being old, and beating teen pregnancy. (I'm repeatedly saying this because I'm so damn amazed that you did it). Don't do anything I wouldn't do. <3 enjoy yer day.
I woke up today to seven texts messages from my mom each saying "KITTY!!!" The pet adoption agency opens at 11 and is open until 2. She told me when I got up that it was 10:55 and I needed to be up and dressed so we could get there before everyone else. I was in such a rush I didn't event bother checking the actual time, I just threw on whatever clothes were on the top of the basket, brushed my teeth, and hopped in the car. turns out it was about 10:30 when she woke me up.
It was super busy when we got there, but we were the first ones to be helped, we got there at 11:04. Punctual for a first. After two hours of paperwork and picking out cat toys and litter and bowls and food and lots of other things, we FINALLY got to take our cats home. The newest additions to our home, Peppercorn "Pepper" "kitten chow" "kitty meow meow" "meow meow kitten chow", and Santino number 2 "sonny" "modigliani" "momo" moddy".. They really have a range of nicknames. Although pepper comes RUNNING from one side of the house to the other when I say "here Kitty meow meow! come come!" When they were first settling in, sonny was shy but then really really friendly, and was letting everybody pet and love him. Kitten Chow was being a rambunctious kitten and not wanting to be help much. As time went on, Momo found himself under my parents bed, and absolutely nothing could coerce him out. I tried.. and got wounded, and was like.. fuck this. stay under the bed then. Can't stay there forever. I will love you eventually, whether you like it or not. Kitty Kitty Meow Meow on the other hand became a kitten scarf, Lying on our shoulders/necks/chests and snoozing and purring like crazy. I'm in love with that little thing. She slept on me for about two hours today. ugh, too much cuteness. Although we had a near death aversion tonight, she jumped about 4 feed from the ottoman to the bar because she spotted a toy up there, and she landed hanging by her two front paws, and a drawer door was lying on the bar and she pulled it right off on top of herself. She is seemingly unscathed though. I mean, it was like a 3 foot long piece of wood falling on her. Nearly gave me a heart attack. I have no idea where they are now, but I'm hoping to find one in my bed tomorrow morning. Here's to wishful thinking.
momo
moddy
OHMYGOSH look at those tufts of hair coming out of her ears
sweepy kitty meow
mommy and kitten chow
Santino's big "fuck off" to me.
DAWH. look at dat pussy cat.
Overheard from my little brother's room while he's playing with the cat.. "She's so cute I'm gonna die.. Do you think you can die from cuteness?"
Happy Friday. I hope it treated you right. First thing lined up on my friday was a doctor appointment. Good news? He said this was the best week I've had since I've been back. So that's promising. Keep up the good work. Will do.
I like to sing in the car as loud and as heartfelt as I physically can. Sometimes I'll start sobbing while singing, because the song hits me in a funny way. Although today I was driving and I passed a funeral in session, well, a burial actually, and it was really really sad, even though I have no idea who it was. I was trying to analyze my indecisiveness and my inability to express emotions and thoughts correctly out loud, and I realized it's because I'm not 100% sure on what I like and I don't like. With some things, I'm sure, but with others, I feel a severe fog of indifference. There are so many things that I am indifferent to, I just have no opinion of whatsoever. I've decided that things that I like are constantly changing, so when I know I like something, I really take it and run with it, until it fades. Watched a video about loving things and how that makes you truly sad. It was interesting. It said that when you find something or someone you love a really lot, whether it's a friendship or a relationship or whatever, you find yourself fearing more than ever that it will end. Because you are faced with the very real fact that nothing is permanent. You may find yourself missing things before they are even gone or done, because you know all to well then they will end, or be done. This is a sticky situation. What do we do? Do we hold on a tighter and longer until the very end, enhancing both the love and the heartache, or do we learn to let go, and distance ourselves, taking buddhas approach of no strings attached, dulling the love and the heartache? It's a toss-up, but I'm all for tighter, longer, more, if it means more things to love then count me in.
Our stray cat Santino came back today. He hung out for a few hours, Frank seems to have taken a liking to him. Then we let him out when it was time for us to leave, and he went under the neighbors fence, off to have kitty adventures. I'm sure he'll be back tomorrow. Silly cat.
meow.
I stopped to get a smoothie today. They offered me a free "booster" in it, which I've never been offered ever, so I picked multivitamin. Cool cool. How convenient, Third Avenue Chocolates is right next door. Spend my money on chocolate or waxing my eyebrows? Obviously chocolate. Sea-salt caramels? Yes please. Bought mommy a variety box just because I love her. She was happy with it. Went to the bank, like inside of it, today with mom. I've only been inside of my bank like 4 times. I don't like talking to people. I just like the ATM. It accepts cash and check deposits, and it gives me money. What more could I need? Anyway, mom and I were getting our business taken care of when a regular walks up to the counter. One of the tellers from the back speaks up, "Two deposit slips and a withdrawal? What are you, just putting it in and taking it out?" To which he replies without hesitation "That's what she said." I literally couldn't believe he said that. Grown adults. I was the youngest person in the area, and that's what one grown adult says to another, in public, in front of other people. She gave a half hearted, obligatory laugh, and our bank teller just put her head down in disbelief. It was really awkward actually, at least I thought it was.
After the bank, the next stop was somewhat unexpected but very exciting. We took a ride over to the pet store the inquire about animal adoption. I won't reveal anything too soon in case I jinx it, but keep checking back over the next couple days for updates! ;)
I'm doing a lot of my christmas shopping lately. Got about half of the actual gifts ordered online, and the other half I have ideas I just need to go places and get them. Christmas is muh fave time of yurrr.
On a last note, Rob and Monica come home for thanksgiving in like .. 11 days and less. It's going to be so much fun I can hardly wait. the anticipation is killing me.
Time for ice cream with Betty. Of course. What's new. om nom nom nom nom.
here are some songies. enjoy xx .
How long will I love you - ellie Goulding
heard some girl singing this on vine today. I LOVE this song.
this music video FREAKS me out though because when they're in the car, it's backwards. It's just not right.
Tuesday basically didn't exist. Honestly, I thought it was Tuesday on Wednesday until my friend reminded me. I probably played video games all day. I didn't have work, but I did have a dr appt. so I did that. That's all I remember happening. Oh and I showered. I like to shower with the lights off and just sunlight through the window coming in. It feels sort of like an outdoor shower when I do that. When I get my own house one day, I want an outdoor shower. They're my favorite.
Then Wednesday. Hump day. Did some mindless game playing. Then after waiting hours for my mother to shower, we went to the jersey shore outlets and did some quick shopping. But not without me having to sit on the dressing room floor doing hand/eye exercises so I wouldn't pass out. Sigh. My outside is about as equally as frail as my inside is now a days. What happened. Ended up getting two tops. Thanks momma. Time for dinner at spanos? Oh yes please. Feed me all there is to feeds. Rice balls and meat balls (feeling a trend here? Unintentional) and cheese cake and freshly made mozzarella. I'm a spoiled girl. American horror story did NOT disappoint this week. Nor did it leave me Unsatisfied like last weeks did. Way to go.
Time for a brief mental breakdown. Not wanting to go back to school, wanting to go back to school, not wanting to be home, wanting to be home, just a general feeling of disconnection from everyone around me. I want to close myself off. I don't want anyone's help. I don't want to talk to anybody and I don't want anybody to talk to me. I dunno what makes me feel this way and I don't care. Falling asleep hysterically inconsolable like when I was a kid is somewhat soothing.
I woke up this morning in a better mood, to something strange. A cat... in my bed.
Everybody meet Santino. The STRAY cat my parents decided to take in. He was fun while he lasted. He likes to lie in the sun so since a nickname for Santino is sonny, it seems appropriate. According to my friend down the street, he's the neighborhood cat who's been around for a while. I wish he would've stayed. We fed him fresh flounder and he slept in my bed and laid in the yard in the sun. But alas, he disappeared. I'm fairly confident he'll come back though. He's an outdoor/indoor cat.
Majestic little stray.
Took a shower and ptfo'd hard in my bed in my bathrobe and had crazy-naked-after-shower-nap dreams. Seriously. Weird. Was 7 minutes late to work because I was blow drying my hair and simultaneously updating my iTunes because it was malfunctioning. Whoops to multitasking. I told my boss my car wouldn't start and I had to jump it. But seriously, it was 7 minutes.you can have the 76 cents from my pay.
This old bag rolls up, wrinkles upon wrinkles, and orders four packs of cigarettes. Don't smoke 'em all at once, lady. Another woman, orders two packs but her voice is so raspy I can't even hear her.. This boy took his change and his fingernails were longer than mine have ever been in my entire life. So long This bearded man drives up and did not make eye contact with me once. Just stared at my boobs. Ordered turkey hill Lemonade. My sweater had some holes in it so it's cute and you can see some skin I guess? So to him it was like hubba hubba. Please. As if. Go away now. He actually came back, twice, getting more lemonade. These are half gallons we're talking about. Who drinks that much lemonade?
So kids, What have I learned today at work?
Boys with long nails, turn off
Boys who stare at your chest, turn off
Older women with raspy voices, turn off
Girls with raspy voices under 30, turn on
Smoking four packs of cigarettes, turn off
Manners and people who tip, turn on
Things I learned from hot brunette I will call Olivia Wilde,
Electric blue nail polish, turn on
Braided hair and a beanie, turn on
Beat-up SUV, turn on
A boy from Gerard's liquors next door walks over to buy mayo. Lucky for me, my receipt machine was broken and beeping and wouldn't shut, so he spent ten minutes in here trying to fix it. Such a cutie .
Boys who have brown eyes and scruffy facial hair who help try and fix my register, turn on.
People who tell me I gave them the wrong change when I know I didn't, turn off.
A man pulls up and says "wow you're new" and I said yeah a few weeks now. And he sits there and stares at me "uhm. Uh. .....sorry, pretty girls just distract me" smooth, pal. Finally he finds some words, and then as he's leaving he says "stay pretty" thanks stranger. He was older, but there's nothing wrong with thinking. As long as I don't go for dads in real life yet then I'm okay.
I've had multiple people buying lotto tickets tonight telling me if they win they'll throw me a couple bucks. One old geezer told me he'd take me on a date and get me a coffee. A small coffee, he added. I laughed. People are funny.
Ironically, some guy came in today and won $97 on a Pick 4, didn't even throw me a buck. Cool, guy.
I dislike working Thursdays because it means I have to lug ten body bags to the curb for garbage pick up Friday morning. But, joe bringing me chicken francaise home for dinner totes makes up for Thursday's level of suck.
I've learned that ripping scratch off lottery tickets is not my forte.
Sometimes people surprise you by being exactly who they are. And they keep coming through for you no matter what, despite distance. I have the best friends in the entire world. And I mean it when I say the world. Whether it's an hour or two by car, or 3,500 miles overseas. Don't know what I would do without you. Even if I'm all by myself, I should probably stop feeling so lonely. Cause if I close my eyes, it's like you're here. You matter to me. Like crazy.
I found this on a dollar I was counting at the end of my shift tonight, WHILE I was listening to Ellie Goulding. Coincidence? I think not.
I missed 141414, but this was the next best thing.
Since Jenna Marbles is my favorite blogger/vlogger/Youtuber on the planet, I decided to have some friends help me make a response to one of the videos she made. Link, here.
I realized I haven't posted a blog in about 6 days. Last wednesday I guess? whooooops.
let's see. since then, Thursday I had work. This one lady had the teeniest tiniest hands in the whole world. Her hand, fingers included, was as big as my palm. No joke. The 67 cents I gave her almost fell out of her hands. that tiny. But the weirder part was the her body was moderately normal sized.
Friday Betty came home, and we had ice cream sundaes, and I had to bring my own Milk and whipped cream, because betty's house didn't have whipped cream, and they only have Skim Milk. I am very against skim milk. it tastes like milk flavored water. The sundaes were good, the ice cream was chocolate chip. not Mint Chocolate chip. Just chocolate chip. We played racing games for Wii. They get me going.
...... s'you'll never guess what I just did. I had my entire blog post typed out from here, on my phone, because I did it at work while I was bored, and I got home and accidentally hit "discard" instead of "save". So.. there's that. Now I have to try and remember all of the prophetic things that I said Using my Siri App that listens to me and types it out.
I was really looking forward to Saturday. Two of my friends visited me from school! We drove around by the beach, hung out at my house, picked up betty and went to surf taco for guacamole and chips. And about a dozen games of connect 4. Then we went back to my house, played more racing games (betty and I are on a game kick, we'll see how long it lasts) and Andrew and his friend from school came to visit for about .2234 seconds. Next stop, Spano's for dinner. Being the keen beans that we are, we had it all planned out to each pick a partner and split a meal, and get one appetizer to the four of us. Still went home with leftovers. How does that even happen? I have to say, I have never laughed harder during a meal in my entire life. We laughed from the moment we sat down and just didn't stop. Rachel and Betty were the ones who always started the laughter, usually after Me or Becca said something. Becca and I played off each other and the other two just went crazy, making us laugh even harder. We played the laughing game, where you stare at someone straight-faced, and whoever laughs first loses. It was genuine laughter. Side slipping, stomach aching laughter. Lots of it. Moments like this are hard to come by. We laughed our way through dinner, and on towards dessert. Ice cream at Hoffmann's please. Becca made a mess of herself. can't take her anywhere. after stuffing our faces we rolled ourselves to the car and onwards to my house, to loaf around the living room and make a hilariously funny video (see top). Cookie pants, on. Jeans won't button. Finally it was time for them to part, after a quick car battery mishap. Hopefully we'll see each other again before christmas. And hopefully next year we can room together? that would be a fantastic nightmare. oh gawd.
Today was comfortably identical to most Mondays. Woke up to sunbeams on my face, the breeze of my fan gently dancing across my eyelids, lifting them open. I sat in a tight ball, blankets up to my eyes, messaging my fav gals a happy good morning (or afternoon depending on the time zone). Mom assembled corn beef hash and over easy eggs for breakfast, in bed. She's a great woman. Then I played Playstation 2 for hours on end, until I had to go to work. Work was boring and lonely. Victoria visited me today at work. She stuck around for a while to keep me company. It was nice. I was so bored I made lots of vines and listened to my itunes on shuffle. I got things from Jar of Hearts - christina perri to High School Musical to john mayer to Michael Buble's christmas album. It was a jolly good time.
I hate newspapers. THe feeling of them on my hands is comparable to the level of horrible that is nails on a chalk board. It makes my skin crawl. After dealing with the newspapers at work tonight, I washed my hands twice, for extended lengths of time. the Ink irritates my skin, making everything I touch feel like newspaper too. I feel like I can't make it go away properly. Also, I just don't like the idea newspapers in general. I think they are obsolete. That's what the internet is for.
Some lady walks up to my door today and asks for a gallon of 2% milk, with a $5 bill, keep the penny (because it's $3.99). So I bring her her milk and dollar bill, and as we make our bartering exchange, she says to me "Ah, that coffee smells so good" Caught off guard, I passively dismiss her with an Mhmm.. and she walks away. The reason it caught me off guard was that I had the coffee burners off for at least an hour and a half, and the coffee pots had been dumped, cleaned, and put back. There was no trace of coffee or the aroma of coffee in my shop for over an hour. So whatever this lady was smellin, it sure wasn't coffee.
There's a girl, woman, young woman? who comes every time I'm working, and probably every other day too. She gets a pack of newport 100s and a small Redbull. and it comes to $11.25, every time. and she has exact change, every time. She's one of the most beautiful people I've ever seen. She has brown hair and exaggerated cheek bones, and big eyes, but I can never tell what color they are. maybe brown, maybe green. She looks like Olivia Wilde. She comes with her boyfriend most times though. I like that such beautiful people exist. It makes me happy.
I'm still reading Paper Towns, and I'm about 2/3 of the way done. I don't read a book without a pen in hand. to underline my favorite parts. but god forbid I do forget to grab a pen, and there isn't one in the immediate area, I do this thing where I fold the corners of the pages with the quotes on them that I like. and then I go back later on to the folded pages, and I reread them, looking for the quote. and on more than one occasion, I've reread a page over and found no such quote. I find nothing significantly interesting at all. How strange is it that our minds can be thinking one thing at one point in time, and something completely different at another. Besides the universe and the earth's oceans, the brain has the most undiscovered things about it I would say. There's so much we don't know. There's a lot of the "whats" and "hows" and "wheres" .. but not a lot of "whys". The whys are ALWAYS the most important thing in the world. always ask why, if you ask anything at all.
Here are some quotes that I like. Even though you're reading them out of context, you could try giving them their own context maybe.
"I mean, at some point, you gotta stop looking up at the sky. or one of these days you'll look back down and see that you floated away, too."
"you know your problem, Quentin? You keep expecting people not to be themselves."
"humans lack good mirrors. It's so hard for anyone to show us how we look, and so hard for us to show anyone how we feel." this quote is especially a favorite for me. I dunno, just is.
"Isn't it also that on some fundamental level we find it difficult to understand that other people are human beings in the same way that we are? We idealize them like gods or dismiss them as animals." this one as well. hits a soft spot.
"Consciousness makes for poor windows"
"I honestly never thought of her as anything but my crazy beautiful friend who does all the crazy beautiful things"
Stocked the cooler with 30 minutes left on the job. 35 degrees in there. which is 2 above freezing. My hands were purple and ashy, and my nose was running down my face by the time I was done. *singing* Closingggg timeeee, you don't have to go home but you can't. stay. here *singing* yep. goin' home. definitely. immediately time for cookie pants. purple one's with owls on them. Oh look time to blog. OH WAIT. time to delete my entire blog and have to spend an hour retyping it.. ah c'est la vie. I would rather love and have lost than never having loved at all. That's all I got for ya. Sorry for not posting in five days. here's a song or two or four.. enjoy xx
some days I want to curl up into a ball and shut everyone out.
I'm jealous and overprotective and I overreact and I obsess. I don't really want to dig that far into that for this blog. Today I just want to curl up in a ball and deflect. deflect. deflect. I deflect while I seek attention. How ass backwards is that?
"People don't change. if someone's broken, they just stay broken"
- New Girl
I woke up late today, what's new. I cleaned my room, so the cleaning ladies could clean it.. Logical? I'm not sure. but if it makes my mom happy, then I should be happy to do it. Mom and I took another bike ride today. I like the amount of time I get to spend with her. Because normally this wouldn't be an option. I took her to some secret spots that you would only know if you grew up here, riding bikes and being teenagers.
just your average plant-looking things by the water
ducks and light and water stuff
Drove myself to Doctor Parks. He told me that I'm better now than I have been since high school. I'd say good news? yeah. I'm frequently reminded how close January is, whether it is encouraging news or not, I'm not sure. But I know that January is further away than September is, the distance to where I am going is greater than the distance to where I was. Leaving me somewhere in the middle with a whiles to go. I dunno how I feel about it. I guess I should feel good.
After the doctor, I went to the movies with mom. Ender's Game was really really good. I love it. Futuristic enough to make you wonder. It was a smart movie, about a smart kid, who learns to be a leader. It was good. You should see it. Whenever I go to the movies, I have two tricks that I do, both of them involving pop corn. the first trick is that I used a straw when putting artificial butter product on my popcorn, I stick it down the sides and fill them with butter product, so the bottom of the popcorn isn't so dry. The second trick is stealing the salt shaker and taking it with me into the theaters, so I never run out of salt, keeping my popcorn savory until the end. They really do try and screw you out of cash. I spent $15.25 on two small popcorns an a box of buncha crunch. rip. off. I would have brought my own popcorn, but as we were leaving the house I went to pop my own bag and was stopped by our cleaning lady, seeing as she sprayed the whole microwave down with windex, preventing me from popping.
Seeing as today is hump day, and this commercial was played at the movies tonight, it felt most appropriate to post.
After I was home, there wasn't much planned. Blog a little, stop and get frustrated. Talk to my friends, stop and get frustrated. Now I'm watching American horror story, and then I'm going to bed. There's nothing worth staying awake for. I seem to be so annoyed today. Although, I'm currently wearing a finger-flashlight. and it's amazing. guess what color it is.
It's another ellie goulding day. It's turning into an ellie week. Caring? naw.
