Ghouls and Gals

Happy Halloween Ghouls and Gals! Don't mind my shameless selfie and absolutely phenomenal hair, but I wanted to show off my cat shirt. It says "you're freaking meowt" haha. Got so many compliments on it. I'm also wearing a super man cape. Classic. 

In case any of you weren't clear, or were curious, about what kind of condition caused me to withdraw from school, I would like to give you a simple explanation. I'm not going to give it to you myself, but I'm going to give you a link. Pay special attention to the headings  "signs and symptoms" "cause" and "treatment" . 

http://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Vasovagal_response

My personal favorite triggers are hunger, alcohol, lack of sleep, and stress. That basically sums up college in 6 words. No wonder they kicked me out . Ha. Other favorites include "random onsets" and "swallowing". 

It's common to have a vasovagal response, in fact, and anyone can have one. I'm just really sensitive to them, and pass out all the time (although not lately!) I hope that this page clarified anything for you. So now you know, what it's like to be me. Imagine having to go about your day with every single one of those triggers in mind, trying not to set one off? They're like little land mines in my day that I have to watch out for all the time. I used to just ignore them and blow through a whole bunch of land mines because I thought I could handle it, and now I'm left picking up the pieces. No more of that. 

I'm working 2-10 tonight at the good OL' welsh farms. Which I accidentally call Wells Fargo all the time. I work at the grocery, not the bank. 

"That sounds like a lonely job"

 - Laura Davis

you're right, it is lonely, but I don't have any friends at home, so at least here I get paid to be lonely. Sad but true. 

People are funny. You wouldn't be able to guess how many people park their cars in our parking lot and try to come inside. No. It's a drive thru. Get back in your car, lady.

I was noticing and telling Betty today how everything in this store is pretty. I like big compilations of the same objects with variations. For example.. 

Dog treats for the woofies

Coffee beanZ (my favorite job is opening the bag of coffee beans and filling the grinder. It smells like childhood when mommy would let me grind the coffee for her in the morning. She even let me sit on the counter top. 

White sandwich. Just what I like.

That's my salad, actually. #11 Sub in a tub with oil vinegar and spices from Mike's, to be specific. 

Lotto, yo

Death sticks, but they have pretty boxes. 

It's my first day working alone, but I'd say I am doing swell. It's a bit creepy working alone at night on Halloween. I've locked both sliding doors so nobody can get in. It's slow tonight, I have music playing. I give a little jump every time a car pulls up and the bell rings. It's loud. If I had to describe tonight's work in one word it would be garbage. Thursday nights I have to carry all of the full black garbage bags from the back to the curb for the garbage collectors to take Friday morning. Ten big bags. Lugging them around like sacks of dead bodies. Suitable for Halloween, I suppose. Calling them "garbage collectors" makes them sound like they are car collectors or like, some person who has a collection of something at home. I certainly hope these men don't take these bags of garbage home and collect them.

Going to the bathroom while I'm working alone is a task. I lock both sliding doors and make a run for it, praying I don't hear a bell for 30 seconds. It's a guessing game really. 

I've been handing candy out to all of our customers, and I bring candy out to one lady, and she was giving me one too. Haha. She was probably trying to get rid of it, so we traded , Hershey's for resee's. Mmm. 

Last night I got some advice from a friend that I wish I had months ago: 

Jealously in friendships is a disaster waiting to happen. Just because you introduce two people and they form a close friendship, it doesn't change your friendships with them. If they make each other happy too, you should be happy for them, not jealous of them. This lesson impacted me on a more than friendships, but jealously in general. Being jealous means you want something you don't have and you're angry that someone else has it. But instead of being jealous, you should just be happy that that person is happy, especially if you care about them. Being jealous doesn't do anyone any good. It doesn't make you happy, and it probably won't make other people happy either if it changes how you act towards them. So instead of being jealous, just be happy. And be happy for other people's happiness, and everything should work out for the best. Also.. if you're not okay with something, or something is giving you weird vibes, just say something. It's better than letting it build up and explode after a certain point. Putting things out there to be looked at and analyzed and thought about by both sides is always the better solution, even if you feel like saying nothing would refrain from hurting feelings. I highly recommend saying something sooner while it's small, rather than later when it could be made into something so much bigger than it is. 

I hope you all had a happy Halloween and may your sweet tooth be satisfied for the next week with your candy. even if you just bought yourself a bag instead of trick or treating. which is what I had to do.

enjoy .

P.S. my boobs are sooo frickkin sore today. and like a cup bigger than normal. ugh. #femaleproblems #likewhy 

8 Days a Week and a Haircut taboot

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Mason Jars

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mlJ_r5r1_A4&feature=youtu.be

This is a link to one of my zeta sisters from another school participating in a competition for pitching startup businesses to investors. She is currently in the lead and Views on her video count in the competition, and will help her along. A click on the link will give her a view, so please just give it a click. It's about a gluten free bakery, which is awesome because my family and I are trying to be gluten free! 

mm. Some Taylor. Yes Please. 

I am currently drinking my evening milk out of a mason jar. Everything should be drank out of mason jars. it should be a law.

Monday, October 28th

Yesterday I woke up and took a shower. Then I waited for Carly to come pick me up for our date. Shore Fresh aka Sho Fro for Shrimp Po Boy sandwiches with home made fries and accidental root beer spills. Followed by a trip to Sports Authority for body lubricant and prewrap. don't ask.

There she is, in all of her glory

Miniature ships?

Doctor Parks time, but wait, my phone buzzes with a text from Elizabeth. "you'll never guess what I just did" Got Pregnant? Punch a Grandma? Lost your bike? Got a boyfriend? Bouncing ideas off the walls of my skull like a bouncy ball while she was typing. " I locked myself out of my house ". oh betty, of course you did. Let me pick you up. off to the doctor we go. Ran into her mom there actually, which was convenient because we jacked her house key off of her an got Elizabeth un-locked out. Off to the movies with Andrew! not before making a pit stop at my house to stuff my face with everything in the kitchen. A little bit of this, a lottle bit of that. whoops. sorry not sorry. and no, that's not a typo. I like to think that little and lottle are opposites. Bad Grandpa Round two not even complaining. so funny. again. I opted to go home for the night as opposed to staying out because I was too tired. That's when you recieved my last blog post I guess.


Tuesday, October 29th
Happy birthday Charlie.

Woke up to a phone call at 8 am. leave me aloneeeee. It's peter, this Indian guy I know. Welsh Farms was hiring and finally decided to call me after I put my application in weeks ago. All thanks to Taylor Katz, thanks Taylor. They want to hire me. yes please! when do I start? today? no problem. See you at 4, bye! Yes. Not gonna be a broke ass biddie anymore. I'm gonna have money for Christmas presents and trips and clothes. ugh. yes. Then I made my Parents breakfast, and then myself. Eggs and Porkroll of course.

das mine. I melted Pepperjack cheese in mine, American Cheese in Joe's , and mom opted for no cheese.

Around 1 I got some lunch with Carly, Betty, and Andrew before they left back for school. I was sitting in the parking lot like a jackass while they were already inside AND EATING. thanks guys. mm. ran into Kaitlin again, are you following me? "No are you following me?!" lol.


Went back home to Skype my two absolute favourite British gals. Watching them do some baking was just tragic and hilarious. Who let you two live alone, together, by yourselves, with an oven and a kitchen? Although.. not a day goes by where I don't want to be living there with you two. I love you. come back to America please. Soon.

that's what Morag would look like wearing my glasses. tehe. I think they're a little big mommy. 

Time for my new job. I work permanently Monday 4-10 and Thursday 2-10, but I'll be there tomorrow as well for more training, after my haircut and doctor appointment.  and sporadically, I'll be working weekends too. Stop in for some milk or cigarettes (our top two sellers). It's so fun. Me and Alicia were there today. She is training me to work it all by myself by Thursday. Cannot wait. After today, if I had to describe my new job in one word, it would be Cold. Between going back and forth in the Cooler stocking things, and the sliding doors being open to talk to the customers in their cars, it's cold. But I like it. If anyone doesn't know what Welsh Farms is, it is a drive-thru grocery store. If you have never heard of one of these before due to where you were raised, then I am deeply sorry. Because you can literally get in your car wearing whatever you'd like and go out and buy groceries. Shamelessly. It's Genius. Alicia said I could bring a radio in if I wanted to listen to music. Oh Alicia. It's the 21st century. I will be bringing my iPod in. I don't even own a radio. who does? and then Leslie came in to rant about Peter (the indian man who phoned me earlier who is our boss) and how the alarm system went off of her this morning and the police came and she was afraid it would happen again tomorrow morning. Poor Leslie. I think I'm gonna like this job. Me, two funny older women, and Peter, our Indian boss. His English is almost as bad in person as it was over the phone this morning. It's going to be interesting.

Home now, and my parents brought me home the most amazeballs flourless chocolate torte with homemade creamy whipped cream from Carmine's in AC. ugh. HOUSED that torte. no holds back. just took it to the face. and then I had some eggplant rollitini. mmmmmm spano's food. Now I'm all cozy in bed, drinking my Mason Jar Milk. and we've made it back to where this post started, so since we're all current, I'm off to bed. xxxx lav you bai.

das my eyeball. It's blue and then green and then brown. with freckles. yep. Don't mind my eyebrows. or my freckle (which my 8 year old cousin has in the exact same spot) or my red spot about an inch to the right of my freckle. It's been there as long as I can remember. I think I popped a vessel or something. 

"A love ignored will wither and die"

-Jessica Hagy

Walking Tightropes

Advice I wish I had given to myself: 

When someone is supporting you, you have to realize they are supporting themselves too. So when you pile things on them, you have to understand that they have their own things they're already holding, even if they offer to help you. They're carrying double the emotional weight to try and help you. Friends are amazing, because they're just like everybody else, except you have a special bond with them that you can just feel. No matter how far apart you are, you're always right there for each other. But that's just it, they're just like everybody else. They're human. So in a friendship, it's easy to play into how badly you're feeling because you know no matter what, that friend will listen. So you have to take a step back and see what you're doing. Sometimes, having a friend tell you how well they're doing or how they're helping themselves is not only better for you but for your friend too. Don't get me wrong, we all have our days where we need someone. And that's what friends are for. But sometimes we play into things and it's not good for ourselves or the people around us. It's easy to have a legitimate reason for people to feel sorry and want to help you and then take advantage of that fact, and be miserable. Trust me. I know first hand. There have been times where I played into being in hospitals and passing out, not for attention in a vain way, but because I sought for care. I just wanted people, my friends even, to care about my well being. But they already did, and do. I didn't need to play into it for them to care. How pathetic does that sound? Probably a lot, but I didn't realize I was doing it at the time. Only looking back on it can I see what I did and why I did it. Sometimes all it takes is time and space to fix something about you that you didn't even know was wrong. It's like, I don't even know who I was a couple months ago. I look back at some of the things I did, and I just cringe. 

All in all, what I'm trying to say is, no matter what's wrong with you, whether it's a big something or a little tiny nothing, your friends care about you just the same. But they're only human. You have to do what's best for you, you have to try take care of yourself, but know your friends will be there if you fall, like a net underneath a tight rope. Nothing more and nothing less. So to all of my friends that have caught me when I fell off my tight rope, thank you. I will always be there to catch you too. Forever, ever. And also, To all the friends or old friends I abused after I fell and didn't want to get up again, I'm sorry. 

Sweeter than Fiction

Taylor Swift has a new single. mmm happiness

love me some weezer 

Time for a blog. So much excitement over the past two days. For starters, today my mom told me that she almost wanted to buy a dog today (finally!) but the only thing that kept her sturdy in the negative was the fact that dogs shed dog hair. Later on, the told me they reconsidered, and then the ONLY thing keeping them from buying the dog was the money. UGH. I told them I would give up all of my christmas gifts this year for this puppy. ah well, Here's another piece I'm using in my war for canine companionship.

aweeeee look how cute mom! 

Before I start describing the past two days chronologically, I would like to address some topics that don't fit in a timeline, they just exist. 

• I like when people wink. Winking is personal, and it's subtle, and it requires eye contact. Physically, you can only wink at one person at a time, whoever you're making eye contact with. so, if you want me to do a flip inside, simply wink at me. 
• Pet names, like - baby, dear (not deer), babe, doll, cutie, sweetheart, when they're used as terms of endearment, I love it. I'm all for it. As long as it's not condescending, and it's just cute, then I love it. Doesn't matter if it's from a friend or a stranger . Makes me smile inside. 
• BBM is back in town folks. Hopped on that band wagon fast, although, it's nothing special. The only draw it has is BBM face palm smiley face. that's it. and PING!!! 7964dee9
• I've learned that no matter how much you miss something or someone, it doesn't bring you any closer to them physically. I know that seems like a completely obvious statement, but it made me realize that missing anything so hard that it hurts won't affect distance. So don't miss something that hard. Just miss a little bit, and distance fades over time. I hope. Cause right now, physical and emotional distances are hard to overcome for me. 
• Have you ever wanted something to happen for so long , so badly that it hurt a little bit every day? And then one night, weeks and months later, you cry yourself to sleep, and finally come to terms that it just will never happen. It's never going to happen, what's done is done, there's no going back, there's no changing what happened or feelings involved, that's it. You've accepted it, in all of its forms. and then two days after that night of acceptance, what you wanted to happen all that time actually happens. And I couldn't be more torn. Do I move on and honor my acceptance that I finally achieved after so many painful months, or do I embrace it, going back on everything I came to terms with? 
• my insides hurt in random places lately. My ribs, my back, my fingers, my stomach, it's really strange. It's like somethings trapped inside and it's trying to find it's way out somehow. 

and a quote from Bad Grandma with Johnny Knoxville:

"You can get away with most anything as long as you try" 

- Bad Grandpa 

Saturday October 26th

My friends are home this weekend. They made the days so much less lonely. When I last posted, I had just went to the dentist. Since then, I've been on a clean teeth binge. bought mouth rinse and flossing sticks and everything. I bought them at Target with Betty. Also buying leggings and a sweater of course. Can't pass up clothes. Went to andrew's house after and had a nice Chipotle date. If anyone knows if Amelia Gliddon or Dan Alfonse work there, let me know. Because I thought it was them but didn't say hello because I couldn't tell. woops. THEN we went to betty's house and started watching Scary Movie, which of course betty hasn't seen before. Ugh betty, get on your shit. and anyone else who hasn't seen it either. at 6:30 mom and I went to the movies to go see Bad Grandpa. yeah yeah, you must be thinking, "why would aly and her mom go see Bad Grandpa?" well I have to say. It was hands down the funniest movie I have ever seen in the movie theater, ever. I laughed, out loud, multiple times. Laughed until I cried. Laughed and then chortled. Seriously funny. I recommend it to anyone with a sick sense of humor. Then I found ten dollars in my purse in a hidden pocket. 

After the movie, friends and I did Hoffman's ice cream round two. more pumpkin please. we were causing havoc and making messes, typical. Saw both Norton sisters there within two days. Hi Meg. Hi Karleen. Cutie pies. Then we debated between a spontaneous trip to hoboken to see Ally or carving pumpkins. we decided on pumpkins (sorry al). Pumpkin carving with friends is always a good time. Good and messy. Along side our holiday festivities, we finished watching Scary Movie 1, and also watched Scary Movie 2. Classics. I love having people to do things with. Went to bed at 2. gah. 

Sunday October 27th 

Good Morning Sunday ! Time for the annual Halloween parade. I almost miss the days of Marching Band and playing in the parades. The marching band is always the highlight. My old band director waved me into the parade from the sidewalk so I skipped over and walked in the parade for a little bit. Just for funs. Silly me. Betty and I got ourselves some free candy, and then we were inspired to bake Red Velvet Cake pops. She had the mix, and since I bought my mom a cake pop maker last year for christmas(that she never used once), I had the means of doing it. It looked like we murdered someone in her kitchen and then tried to bake them. red velvet mix everywhere. sorry I'm almost sorry. Did you come in for a pie sir? but you would think we had the plague. 

Post pops, I went home and stuffed my face with the best chicken wings and sweet potato fries from Jersey BBQ in belmar next to 10th avenue burrito and watched the Giants beat the Eagles. although we're now only 2-6, its a powerful 2-6.  Today was such a sweet day. AND the cowboys lost. ah, it just makes the day a little brighter. the Jets lost however. sad but not unexpected. Then Andrew and I took on the Freehold Mall in a search for Pants. He was tired of jeans. I'm proud of him. Overcoming the monotony that is blue denim. we found some khaki (spelled that right on the third time) Deckers from JC penny , and some grey pants from Pac Sun (on sale for buy one get one free). Much success. After we went back to his house to drop off the pants and hangout with his momma, we got inspired to go to Wal-Mart for air fresheners and a plastic water bottle. Don't ask. Wal-Mart didn't have our needs, but hunger was getting the best of us, so before we went to target we stopped at 5 guys. Unfortunately, in a brief memory lapse, I forgot Andrew was deathly allergic to peanuts and five guys is filled with peanuts and only uses peanut oil. So safe to say he didn't want to eat there. But he was a good friend and waited in the car for me to get my burger togo and then I took him to the eatery of his choice. which was? Taco Bell. Should've known. Valedictorian of our high school, Most respectful boy I've ever met, and he chooses to go to taco bell for dinner. So, I ate my cheeseburger (without the bun) while he ate his crunchwrap supreme and his cheezy gordita crunch and his other taco thing. Target time. twice in two days. I'm a walking advertisement for them. Water bottle purchased, time to go home and absolutely crash. Home. Hi mom. Hi Joe. off to bed with me. Mmmmm so cozy. They actually told me how close they were to buy a puppy today, (my mom is friends with an australian shepherd breeder in Texas), they actually have been following this one red pup for a few days now, and already picked out a NAME for her. but still refuse to buy her. It's like. every day they get a step closer to wanting to buy her, so let's just skip the two weeks it's gonna take for you to crack and just buy her now, before somebody else does. K thanks.

this is the angelbabyfaced  pup we are looking at. If you think we should get her, say something on facebook to me. or my mother. preferably my mother. 

but those wings doe

andrew's disappointment with this childrens' store shirt. 

Baxter!!! andrew's doggie 

Bunless burger. and it was delicious. 

a picture I made at betty's house the other day. but it's true. Happiness does depend upon ourselves. Here's a hackneyed saying... 

"Life is 10% what happens to you and 90% how you react to it"

So go forth, my friends, happier times await you. 

California Stars

"I want to go to California"

-Andrew Ruff

I want to go with you bud. one day.

I read somewhere today that said "according to research, it takes 21 days to form a habit".

A thought inducing statement to say the least. but I'm not sure I trust the validity of it. My friend's little sister at dinner tonight said, "So if I eat chicken parm for 21 days I'll eat it for the rest of my life?" no laura, that's not how it works, sorry. then again, I used to think that brown cows made chocolate milk. 

My little brother and his friends ran around in dresses today. My dresses to be specific. Last year's halloween costume. I wish I was kidding. 

Good thing him and his friends don't check my blog, because they don't know that I posted these anywhere. tehehe. For your eyes only.

Here's a tumblr account that some people at my University started. So Lehigh folks, check it out. It's a bit of an eye-opener. 

http://nolongersilentlu.tumblr.com/

also, Lehigh students or people in the Bethlehem area, last chance to register for ZTA's paint it pink run tomorrow. This is our final event to wrap up our week of philanthropic adventures. It's not long at all and it's gonna be a good time. You'll be covered in paint. and love it. 

https://www.facebook.com/events/188386754682792/ 

click hereeeeeeeeee . 

So today after my dentist appointment mother and I went on a lovely day trip. Costco, Delicious Orchards, loads of good times. Except I was feeling oddly anxious. I'm not sure what I was anxious about. I wasn't anticipating anything, and I wasn't afraid of anything, I mean honestly, we were picking up asparagus and halloween decorations. I don't really know how to describe what an unprovoked anxious feeling feels like. I understand being anxious about situations that are worthy of nerves, like waiting for a test result or being in the same room as your ex, but this is different. Usually anxiety comes from not knowing an outcome of a situation. So I guess that sort of stems my anxiety? Except there wasn't much for me to not know. It's just frustrating. and THEN my brain decide to fry, rendering me completely exhausted, unable to participate in any more of the fun. It's like I'll be fine and then someone flips a switch and my brain turns off. I dunno if any of you have ever experienced anything like that, but picture the exact opposite reaction to a cup of coffee. One minute you feel one way, and the next you feel strongly another. Picture going from on to off in a heartbeat. 

best damn apple cider out there. period. ever. 

creepy family on my carving kit #nicestashdad

just a view of the manasquan river from the 35 Bridge .

We got back to the house, cleaned up and then got down to decorating. And I have to say, we have the best decorations on the block. no joke. come take a look. You'll be spooked. Pumpkin guts everywhere, scary faces carved into the soft flesh of pumpkins, pumpkin seeds roasted and salted to perfection, I would say it was a pumpkinny day. Feels like it should. It was very festive. 

work in progress #sunsoutgunsout

just making a mess with mom

my masterpiece. his name is Jeffery Dahmer

mmmm

mommy's little boy. I forget what she named him. Pumpkin head or something. 

Now it's time for dinner. FINALLY. I'm taking Elizabeth, Laura, and Andrew to our restaurant for dinner. Even as the owner's steppy, we still had a wait for a table. That's when you know it's busy. Ah well, bittersweet I guess. Knowing the business' success directly correlates with your stepdad's misery and pain.

Dinner was Butternut Squash Gnocchi with figs, salads, chicken parm and chicken francaise and pasta and potato croquettes and veggies. stuffed. absolutely stuffed. can't even move. time for ice cream. Actually making me want to vomit. ran into an old friend at Hoffman's. The ice cream there is just massive. and homemade, and delicious. no reason not to go there besides their notoriously long lines. thank god for fall. Pumpkin for me with whipped cream, chocolate chip mint mixed with cookie dough for better, cake batter and cookie monster for andrew, and I missed lauras order, but I know it had cookie dough topping on it. Ugh. we are SUCH fatasses. 

nice denim suit, pal. 

I had already started mine.

the Davis sisters 

Betty clearly did something stupid. 

mmmm. 

And last but not least .... 

There was supposed to be a video I was going to edit together of some funny stuff from tonight but I don't have the energy to do it. Betty is very excited to make movies this weekend, So I'm sure some of the footage will end up being posted somewhere.

for now, enjoy. 

Daylight

right in the feels

who doesn't love doggies and welcoming our troops home? I sure do. 'Murica.

I think this post is going to be a happy one. 

I like the taste of peppermint altoids in my mouth and pomegranate carmex on my lips while drinking a bottle of smart water. minty, sweet, cool, and tart. but I only do this while driving in my car. It's a smooth taste, like the road under my tires.

I like when you make it home just in time to catch the show you wanted to watch that night, making DVR feel obsolete, and you, triumphant.

I like when you grab the exact amount of hangers you need to hang up your laundry. it makes me feel like I could win the jackpot in vegas if I wasn't trying to.

I like opening to the correct page of a book on the first try. It makes me feel like a psychic.

My favorite smell in the entire world is Dryer exhaust. The vent that comes out of your laundry room that's connected to the dryer. Some people say "oh you mean the smell of laundry?" No I don't mean the smell of laundry. If I did, I would have said "my favorite smell in the entire world is laundry". but I didn't. Because people use all different dryer sheets and detergents and fabric softeners, yet somehow whenever I smell dryer exhaust while walking past a building, it smells the same. Smells like bliss.

I like stopping the microwave before the alarm goes off. and yes, when I say alarm, I mean it. It's like a fire siren in high school.

I like when somebody walks into a room and you can smell their cologne or perfume, and it fills you up with water balloons and confetti and pumpkin pie and laser tag and department stores with tile floors and pretty saleswomen, instead of making you want to puke. There's something about department stores that always made me anxious and comfortable at the same time. Anxious because I always felt like there were too many things to look at at one time, and comfortable because when I was little, and they used to have those HUGE round racks of clothes everywhere, I used to hide underneath them until it was time to go. There's something about hiding that makes children feel incredibly safe. Hiding under the sheets from the monsters in the closet and under the bed. Hide and go seek. Because being exposed is such a powerful feeling. Knowing that someone can see you from 360 degrees. If someone is behind you, you have to turn around, leaving the place you were just looking to be unlooked. But when you're behind something, well, you don't have to worry about that. You can see without being seen.

I like when someone you just meet hugs you when it's time to depart. it makes me feel closer to them than people I've known for a while.

I use happy songs as my alarm clock so I can wake up and be cheerful. I lie in bed and listen to the whole song, and it actually wants me to get up in the morning (mind you, this was when I needed an alarm.. for school). I used songs like Daylight by Matt and Kim and It's Time by Imagine Dragons

I like when a song brings you back to a moment in time. You hear it and the lyrics and the notes and the melody surround you, and then sucks you up into a vacuum into the past, and even if only for a moment, however fleeting that feeling is, it's kind of like magic.

I like taking walks in the fall, stepping on as many leaves as I can listening to them crunch, somehow it makes me feel like I'm alive and present in the world, one footstep at a time.

I like sunny days, as much as I like rainy days, especially when they cooperate with my plans. Or even if they don't. If a rainy day turns your beach day into a board game afternoon, sometimes it's just what you needed.

I like airports and hotels. There are so many different compartments and nobody is ever there for an extended period of time (if they can help it). The population of them is constantly changing. They remind me of family vacations to Disney World. Disney holds a special place in my heart, and my older brother loves it even more than I do. There's something about late Florida nights with a warm breeze on your skin as you sit on the pavement watching fireworks to the sound of oh-so-familiar Disney songs, leaving your mouth ajar in awe, and you wondering how something could ever be so beautiful.

I love moments that make you want to hold on to them forever. Just close your eyes, clench your fists as tight as you can, have someone sprinkle some pixie dust or something, and hold onto it for as long as you can. You never realize the importance of a moment until it becomes a memory. 

I like the smell of indoor chlorine pools. Although, not so much unkempt public pools or kiddie pools, because they mostly smell of pee. I'm talking about when you're in the gym or the hotel and you walk past the pool area, that chlorine, wet, sparkling smell, that makes you want to rip all your clothes off and dive right in.

I like when the leaves change, and then its Halloween. Halloween means carving pumpkins and wearing scarves and hoodies and sweaters and boots and jeans. and roasting pumpkin seeds.                      Then there's Thanksgiving. Although it's only a USA holiday, I wish everybody could just celebrate it anyway. I know my friends in scotland do ;) To me it is a big feast with little to extended family, watching football, friendly banter, and warmth. Warmth and love. It doesn't matter where you spend thanksgiving, as long as your stomach is full, you're with people you love and you're watching football (and at least half of the family is drunk) then it's a successful holiday. Onwards to Christmas. I'm not sure what's better, the countdown to Christmas, and all the built up anticipation, Christmas eve where even at 18 last year, I still could not fall asleep without waking up every hour on the hour until it was a decent enough time to wake everybody up. One time I woke up at 12:30am, ran downstairs to see presents, and woke up my parents up telling them that Santa came. They were so unenthused because of how early in the morning it was. I don't even think it's the presents that keep me from sleeping. Maybe it's Christmas morning that's the best part. I love sitting around passing presents to each other, smelling cookies freshly baked, whatever breakfast mom made, wearing our annual christmas pajamas (the one present we get to open early.. yes mom I still want them). I have been doing this since I could remember, when I open my gifts, if I get something that is meant to be worn, I wear it. and by the end, I'm fully decked out in my christmas gear. my christmas suit, if you will. And then once all of the presents are open and breakfast is made, eaten, and put away, we all settle in, tinkering with our new toys, setting up our new gadgets, and making sure all of our friends know exactly what we got. Maybe it's the combination of all of it, starting the day after thanksgiving, when the Michael Buble christmas album and Trans-Siberian Orchestra are the only CDs playing throughout the house. Mostly all of the other holidays can suck it.. Valentine's day, Easter, even New Years. All are Sub Par compared to these three. Except Fourth of July. Independence day is just a day of sheer American nonsense. and celebrating our country's birthday.


**no pictures were provided for any of these things because I was hoping that you had your own visions in your head that you could watch while you read it**

It's funny how many little, and big, things can make us happy, as long as we take the  time to notice them for what they are. The little things are what count the most in my book. I'm a nerd for quirky little details, I'm drawn to them. Like handshakes and signatures and eye contact and messy beds and made beds and the steam combined with sunlight peeking in from the blinds in a bathroom of a hot shower and the little bit of a jolt you get when you think you're about to hit something on your bike/car/while walking and soft hands with nice clean nails and a well kept garden and a child who knows manners and someone holding a door for you or a stranger and so many other things.

 I hope for your sake that this many things make you happy too. This blog is being typed at midnight tonight, but will not be posted until tomorrow after noon, after my long overdue dentist appointment. So since you're reading this right now, it must be full of everything I want it to be, and I must be back from the dentist.

Beautiful, wonderful, cavity-free teeth, as per usual. I've had teeth for like 19 years, not one cavity. although they did say flossing more and mouth wash wouldn't kill me.
Everytime I go to the dentist it's always full of old people. Getting old must suck. losing all of your teeth and such.

cute and funny song about teeth. 

Skin and Bones

"They say people fight about the same things until it breaks them apart."

- another Gossip Girl quote with some depth 

As soon as I got home from the doctor, I grabbed a chicken parm and headed West to the land of abbreviations. Although, I can't seem to hide the feeling that it was a bit of a mistake. A pang of regret is settling in this late morning. or is it early afternoon? I don't know. Being there for someone who needed a friend wasn't the mistake. Not at all. The part that's killing me the most is being back in a school environment while I'm on my leave. All of the friends that I have on this campus are all, well, at class. This isn't what surprised me though. What surprised me is how I felt about it. I'm bad with taking feelings and putting them into words. so we'll start off with a simple emotion, being sad. or jealous maybe? it's hard to tell. angry, possibly. I don't really know how to explain it. Seeing everyone going about their normal business, the normal business I used to do, while I sit here feeling foolish. Every time one of my friends mention to me how busy they are with school work, it hurts a little. And I get irrationally upset. Usually I wouldn't be upset about not having work, but it's different than having a test be over with or a class unexpectedly cancelled. For the first fall of my life since I was five, I'm not doing some sort of schooling. Despite the fact that I've been told it's not my fault, and it's not fair but I have to deal with it, maybe Lehigh's Dean of Students was on to something when she warned me to stay away from campus after I had my swipe access taken away for the semester. She must've known it was for my own good for me not to be on campus. It stings a bit it realize the truth, and in the words of a someone I use to know, I'm feeling a bit salty. I was adamant that it was wrong to keep me from campus, but now I'm not so sure. Even my friends overseas are slammed with school work. I feel like the whole world is going on around me and I'm stuck in a standstill.

For anyone looking for a fun fact, google "Shave and a haircut".

I've always learned lessons the hard way. I feel like there is no other proper way to learn a lesson. If I was more responsible at school this semester, I might not have had to miss the entirety of it. Circumstantially, if I wasn't stuck in the hospital due to a bogus spinal tap, I might not have missed so much work and could have gone back. Ah, well, it doesn't not do to dwell in the past. What could've, should've, would've happened. I feel like there is no "soft" way to learn a lesson. You can be told something over and over again, but until it's slammed into your face and you're in an "oh shit" situation, you can't possibly understand the magnitude of whatever lesson you're trying to learn. I never plan to do this, of course, but it happens to me regardless. No matter how many precautions I take, I'll always screw up big, just once. and then I learn. But it's the initial screw up that always hits hardest. Makes me want to stop the screw ups, but I've yet to figure out how.

Self-pity is like a disease. The more you buy into it, the worse you think things are. The less you feel sorry for yourself, the less you see that you need to feel sorry for. Everything is always worse in our heads. On paper, things can be detached, extracted, made to be indifferent, anonymous, fragmented, skewed, stretched, looked at under a microscope, or seen from across the globe. The truth is, the only world we have is the one in our head. The world we share with everyone around us is limited to what we can produce for them from our own world. It's so easy to cut people out, and live strictly in our own little world in our head. Keeping our feelings in one corner, our thoughts in the other, and common sense locked up deep in a dungeon. If you don't put your thoughts and feelings out there, then no one can judge you, if that's even a fear, but they also can't help you. So either you can wallow in your self-pity, woe-is-me type of world, or you could open up, a little bit, and let somebody in. Or let everybody in. Whether its one or one hundred, anyone is better than no one. This is advice that I wish I could give to myself, but since I won't listen, maybe you or somebody you know will.

there was a whole other paragraph here, but I deleted it. Maybe one day I'll post it. for now, it can wait.

by the way, to any of you that wanted that to read as " a whole nother paragraph," well.. nother isn't a word. it's either another, or other. not nother. I will not tolerate such nonsensical words.

Here's a blast from the past. well, my past anyway. enjoy.

International Smile

My mother questioned why I haven't posted a blog in two days. I guess once you set a precedent, it's expected to be followed. Which is fine, but nothing interesting has happened for me to blog about. and I did a whole lot of ranting in my last post.

Katy Perry released a new album today. love love love love love it. Here's a favorite, but I suggest you listen to the rest of the album. Not many people uploaded videos to youtube of the new songs just yet. and I didn't feel like doing it myself. But I also like "love me", "this moment", and "this is how we do".
Katy perry will forever be my girl.

 "cause she's a little bit of yoko,and she's little bit of oh no"

 New Jersey became that 14th state in the union to permit same sex marriages. Which is amazing. Finally people who weren't born in our generation are seeing what we already see. Because most people I know who are born in the " iGeneration " are pretty damn accepting.

"A right delayed is a right denied"

-Martin Luther King, Jr. 

I haven't been feeling myself the last couple days, and whether that's a good thing or a bad thing I have yet to decide. Sometimes I wake up in the morning, look in the mirror, and like what my face looks like. and sometimes I wake up and think that I look hideous. I'm pretty sure that's a common thing for most people though. Maybe I'm about to have my 19th nervous breakdown. Or maybe I've already had it. Or maybe I'm right in the middle of it. Sometimes it's hard to see things from the inside. If I was one paint stroke on a famous painting, when I looked around all I would see would be chaos. Just colors, all over the place. Madness. But if I was the painter, or a viewer in a museum, I would see a masterpiece. I guess that's the definition of "the bigger picture". Being in the midst of something gives you the wrong impression of how something actually is.

"It doesn't make sense to call ourselves ugly, because we don't really see ourselves. We don't watch ourselves sleeping in bed, curled up and silent with chests rising and falling with our own rhythm. We don't see ourselves reading a book, eyes fluttering and glowing. You don't see yourself looking at someone with love and care inside your heart. There's no mirror in your way when you're laughing and smiling and happiness is leaking out of you. You would know exactly how bright and beautiful you are if you saw yourself in the moments where you are truly yourself."

-a quote from the internet

I have a white board up in my bedroom for decoration, and I like to write on it or draw on it and leave myself a nice picture to look at. Although I've had the same thing on there since summer. It's a list called "100 Wisest Words" which I found on the internet somewhere. It's written in all different colors at all different angles, 100 different sentences of advice, on this board for me to look at. Almost like a personal mantra, it has become something I look to when I'm not quite sure what to do. It's not something I came up with on my own, just something I fell in love with. I guess now is an appropriate time to share it with you, since there's no time like the present.

"100 Wisest Words"

1. There are Plenty of ways to enter a pool. The stairs is not one of them.
2. Never cancel dinner plans by text message.
3. Don't knock it 'til you try it.
4. If a street performer makes you stop walking, you owe him a buck.
5. Always use "we" when referring to your home team or your government.
6. When entrusted with a secret, keep it.
7. DON'T underestimate free throws in a game of HORSE.
8. Just because you can doesn't mean you should.
9. Don't dumb it down.
10. You only get one chance to notice a new haircut.
11. If you're staying more than one night, unpack.
12. Never park in front of a bar.
13. Expect the seat in front of you to recline. Prepare accordingly.
14. Keep a picture of your first fish, first car, and first girl/boyfriend.
15. Hold you heroes to a high standard.
16. A suntan is earned, not bought.
17. Never lie to your doctor.
18. All guns are loaded.
19. Don't mention sunburns. Believe me, they know.
20. The best way to show thanks is to wear it. Even if its' only once.
21. Take a vacation of your cell phone, internet, and TV once a year.
22. Don't fill up on bread, no matter how good.
23. A handshake beats an autograph.
24. Don't linger in the doorway. In or out.
25. If you choose to go in drag, don't sell yourself short.
26. If you want to know what makes you unique, sit for a caricature.
27. Never get your haircut the day of a special event.
28. Be mindful of what comes between you and the earth. Always buy good shoes, tires, and sheets.
29. Never eat lunch at your desk if you can avoid it.
30. When you're with new friends, don't just talk about old friends. 
31. Eat lunch with the new kids.
32. When traveling, keep your wits about you.
33. It's never too late for an apology.
34. Don't pose with booze.
35. If you have the right of way. TAKE IT.
36. You don't get to choose your own nickname.
37. When you marry someone, remember, you marry their entire family.
38. Never push someone off a dock.
39. Under no circumstances should you ask a woman if she is pregnant.
40. It's not enough to be proud of your ancestry, live up to it.
41. Don't make a scene.
42. When giving a thank you speech, short and sweet is best.
43. Know when to ignore the camera.
44. Never gloat.
45. Invest in great luggage.
46. Make time for your mom on your birthday, it's her special day too. 
47. When opening presents, no one likes a good guesser.
48. Sympathy is a crutch, never fake a limp.
49. Give credit. Take blame.
50. Suck it up every now and again.
51. Never be the last one in the pool.
52. Don't stare.
53. Address everyone that carries a firearm professionally.
54. Stand up to bullies. You'll only have to do it once.
55. If you've made your point, stop talking.
56. Admit when you're wrong.
57. If you offer to help, don't quit until the job is done.
58. Look people in the eye when you thank them.
59. Thank the bus driver.
60. Never answer the phone at the dinner table.
61. Forgive yourself for your mistakes.
62. Know at least one good joke.
63. Don't boo. Even the ref is somebody's son.
64. Know how to cook one good meal.
65. Learn to drive a stick shift
66. Be cool to younger kids. Reputations are built over a lifetime.
67. It's okay to go to the movies by yourself.
68. Dance with your mother/father
69. Don't lose your cool. Especially at work.
70. Always thank the host.
71. If you don't understand, ask before it's too late.
72. Know the size of your boyfriend/girlfriend's clothes.
73. Know there is nothing wrong with a plain t-shirt.
74. Be a good listener. Don't just take your turn to talk.
75. Keep your word.
76. In college, always sit at the front. You'll stand out immediately. Come grade time it might come in handy.
77. Carry your mother's bags. She carried you for 9 months.
78. Be patient with airport security. They are just doing their job.
79. Don't be the talker in a movie.
80. The opposite *or same* sex likes people who shower.
81. You are what you do. Not what you say.
82. Learn to change a tire.
83. Be kind. Everyone has a hard fight ahead of them.
84. An hour with grandparents is time well spent. Ask for advice when you need it.
85. Don't litter.
86. If you have a sister, get to know her boyfriend. Your opinion is important.
87. You won't always be the strongest or the fastest, but you can be the toughest.
88. Never call someone before or after 9AM and 9PM.
89. Buy the orange properties in Monopoly.
90. Make the little things count.
91. Always wear a bra at work.
92. There is a fine line between looking sultry and looking slutty. Find it.
93. You're never too old to need your mom.
94. Ladies, if you make the decision to wear heels on the first date, commit to keeping them on and keeping your trap shut about how much your feet kill.
95. Know the words to your national anthem.
96. Your dance moves might not be the best, but I promise making a fool of yourself is more fun than sitting on the bench alone.
97. Smile at strangers.
98. Make Goals.
99. Being old is not dictated by your bedtime.
100. If you HAVE to fight, punch first and punch hard.

Mind you, not all of these are the best, but a lot of them are very, very relevant whether you see it or not. I have these echoing through my head most times of the day. and in a lot of situations, I've followed them, and I've felt pretty good about myself. Except the Monopoly one. that one has screwed me every time. I prefer the pinks and light blues. The sunburn one, my friends know all too well. sorry guys. If anyone is unaware of what I'm referring to, let's just say I got sunburnt, and made my friends well aware of it. "o h m y g o d I t h i n k I ' m o n f i r e" yeah. blew up that group chat. 

I guess what I'm trying to say is that these could really come in handy, and even if you only read this list once, or skim it, it might pop in your head. I hope it does, and I hope you use it. 

I feel like I should add some things of my own to this list, make it a bit more personal. They might not be the "wisest" of words, but definitely things that I think about. 

"Aly's addendum list"

1. Donttt typ lyke diss. Grammar counts, even if it's virtual. 
2. Never mention the ending of a book, movie, or tv series unless you KNOW the people around you either know it too, or have no interest in ever knowing it. 
3. Never complain about your weight in front of other people.
4. Don't fish for compliments. If you do, odds are they won't be true anyway.
5. Say yes.
6. You actually can learn something new every day.
7. If you're singing, lyrics don't really count, it's all about the feeling you put into it. 
8. Life's too short to be shy.
9. Don't be afraid to be loud, but more importantly, don't be afraid to be heard. 
10. If you are running late and have time to brush one thing, always choose teeth over hair. 
11. The Intelligence of someone has a direct correlation to their attractiveness. 
12. Know the difference between there, their &they're, which & witch, lose & loose, you're & your, wired & weird, its & it's, definitely & defiantly, affect & effect, then & than. TRUST ME. it helps.
13. Don't drunk text. It's very unbecoming. and annoying. and you'll most likely regret it. 
14. Introductions always come before conversations. 
15. You only get one good first impression
16. Do the right thing, for the right reason, every time.

If you think of anymore, lemme know, I'll post them on a future blog or something. enjoy.