This is the funniest thing I've ever seen.
I opened the front door from our dimly lit kitchen and the sunlight hit me square in the pupils. My god it was bright out. and what was worse was how badly it was reflecting off of the snow. again, straight into my eyeballs. Too sunny. Go away sun. I hustled my way to my classroom, grabbing a Brisk Iced Tea from a hidden campus vending machine for a pseudo-breakfast. Sat down for the exam, totally pumped, ready to nail it. and I must say, I feel pretty confident that I crushed it.
Next class, right after the psych exam, was Pursuit of Happiness. It happens to be one of my favorite courses I've taken so far, but it's so unstructured and free spirited and hippie dippy shit, but I love it. It's very discussion-based, and we get to argue with our peers a lot. In my most natural setting, I am not a quiet person. I have things to say and I say them. In some settings, I find it very easy to sit back and blend into the wallpaper, complacent in my silent observance. This class is not that setting. It's interesting because I did a project last semester studying happiness and what it means and how to achieve it. I feel like my opinion differs greatly from the average college student. It's hard to be in a room of people with some of whom you strongly disagree with, and express that fact in an intelligent and civilized manner. Seriously. there are people in this class who are just as opinionated and verbal as I am, but, in my opinion, are just dead wrong. Yet, I think that's what I've gained the most so far out of this course. You're never going to agree with everybody, because then the world would be terribly boring. The trick is to disagree with them in a healthy and productive way. Being right isn't always the most important thing. Seeing other people's opinions can show you so much about how people think and process the same situation you are thinking about and processing. People blow my mind. They really do. Fascinating creatures. Despite that fact that I don't really like people, they're still so interesting.
Class over. Sweet. Oh wait! Alec. would you like to go to ZTA's date party with me next Saturday? You would? awesome! can't wait. <---- that happened.Get to my car. Parking ticket. Again. 8th one this semester. I'm not even concerned with them anymore. Just tow my car already. I dare you.
homeward bound. finally. I've been listening to the band The 1975 lately. Love them. top songs are definitely Chocolate, The City, Sex, Settle Down, Pressure, Robbers, You, She Way Out. The list goes on. Their whole album is good. But those are the ones I love the most. The drive took longer than it usually feels. I love driving along the Delaware river. it's gorgeous. At one point, I looked over and the sunlight was shining so bright off of it, and I could see this MASSIVE iceberg-looking thing floating in the river with what must have been thousands of birds on it. I wanted to snap a pic, but, ya know, driving on the highway. Can't really whip my phone out for scenic pics. Bummer though.
As you know from my last post, I'm headed home to see my neurologist who is my total homie. I love this man. He's a wingnut, just a total whack job. He plays the grateful dead and bruce springsteen and like, every other cool artist in his office all the time. It's so fun. Anyway. I asked him today when I saw him to describe for me in basic peasant terms what's wrong with me, so I could come relay it to you people. He said the easy way to describe it is Vasovagal Syncope. Here's what I pulled from the internet about that:
Vasovagal syncope occurs in response to a trigger, with a corresponding malfunction in the parts of the nervous system that regulate heart rate and blood pressure. When heart rate slows, blood pressure drops, and the resulting lack of blood to the brain causes fainting and confusion. - Wikipedia
So I used to faint all of the time. My autonomic nervous system totally blows. and doesn't regulate any of the shit it's supposed to. I pass out when I am exposed to a trigger, such as : standing too quickly, standing for too long, being too hot, loud noises, bright lights, intense pain, the sight of blood, the sight of a needle, the idea of blood or a needle, stress, lack of sleep, lack of hydration, hunger, and literally every fucking thing in the world. Luckily, I've spent enough time with him repairing cerebral pathways using electrotherapy and other physical, weird, methods, that I am no longer super susceptible to these triggers. However, episodes can always happen if I push it too much. Sometimes I like to feel that I'm invincible, even though I know for shit sure that I'm not. SO, yeah, anyway, he wants to see me again once a month for the next few months, to keep tabs on me and make sure I'm not being stupid. Oh and my symptoms are made worse by drinking alcohol. Life is cool and stuff. He didn't tell me not to do it, but he told me that all of my actions are gonna have consequences and I'm gonna have to just run the risk if I think it's worth it. I saw a sunset today and it was pretty.
Enough about that. I got home and I got to see my DOG. TED. TED THE DOG. He is the sweetest animal on the face of the earth. He loves his humans so deeply it's insane. He saw me and almost jumped out of the car window, whining the most intense whine/bark/cry I've ever heard. And then he continued to try and hug me with his entire body. 
Home is the best. Home is where the sheet and the showers are clean, and your mom is always willing to cook you your favorite dinner. My favorite dinner since I was 3 has been "green spaghetti". Which is just pesto pasta. But I will only refer to it as green spaghetti. mmmonomnomnomnom. After stuffing our faces, I put on the movie Running with Scissors based on a memoir that I've read by Augusten Burroughs. So good. So fucked up. but so good. 
I got to have a long chat with a good friend of mine tonight on the phone, and it was just what I needed. I have this theory about my life. Whenever I make a decision that I'm unsure of whether or not it was the right thing to do, I just wait. and if anything good happens to me that I wasn't expecting, then I take that as the universe's way of telling me I made the right decision. So I made a decision on Sunday that I wasn't sure of. and on Tuesday I won a raffle for the second time in my life. To me, it told me that I had made the right decision. Today, I knew I made the right decision when I got a text about buffalo. That doesn't make sense to you, but remember, my blog. Here's the title song to the blog. I love it. enjoy x.
