Another 3am blog. I just feel so inspired when I can't sleep I guess..
I'm fed up with being in this house. with not being allowed to visit school. It's like I don't even live here. If I could get my own apartment, I would. Because then I wouldn't have to bother anybody anymore. Everybody has their own home problems, nobody's perfect. Everybody has their own story, and I'm doing my best job to let you in on mine.
I finished the series of Gossip Girl. Finally. It ended perfectly. just how I wanted it. I'm a bit slow up the uptake, only starting the entire show in April of this year, but I'm happy I stuck it out to the end. I took Laura out for ice cream tonight at Hoffman's. Surprise surprise. That entire family likes ice cream. She convinced me to try two different flavors in one cup. Two Flavors, One Cup. Who knew, right? It was decadent. We shared a surprisingly insightful conversation over our frozen dairy products, and she even helped me realize a few things I hadn't been seeing. For starters, horoscopes are total bologna. and anyone who tries to tell you differently is a liar. I learned the purpose of Palate Cleansers. Turns out they're as obvious as they sound. And the difference between A-type and B-type personalities, which one are you? Bet you can't guess what I am. I learned you don't have to call a boy your boyfriend in order to date him. I learned that doing something nice for someone two years ago isn't forgotten as quickly as you think. and that you should always pay it forward. If someone did something nice for you, you should do something nice for someone else. And then, in turn, they will feel obliged to do it for somebody else. You see, most things in life are circuitous. Niceties along with wrongdoings usually make their way around. If you do nice things, you can only hope that nice things will get done for you. And you should never give up hope of that, always striving to do the right thing for the right reason, every time. If you're mean to someone however, they won't be so inclined to be nice to you back. What did they preach to us in elementary school? Golden Rule? Treat others the way you want to be treated? Something like that. I'm not saying that I'm perfect or an angel or a saint. I have my moments, and believe me, even I don't like me sometimes, but I try. Although, they say the road to hell is paved with good intentions. You never really can win, can you?
I'm realizing that I give too much. I text too much. I (used to) drink too much. I dream too much. I say too much. I do too much. I want too much. I expected too much. I need too much. I say "I love you" too much. I think too much. I care too much. Do you see a pattern here? I am too much. It's like once I light a match, I become a forest fire, not a bonfire on the beach. I don't come in calm, lapping waves at the shore, I come in crashing storm waves, the ones that surfers dream of. I'm not a light breeze, whisking off your sunday hat, I'm a tornado tearing apart houses. All of these things are cute in small doses, but I don't do "small doses", and if I can't get control of myself, I'm not too sure where that's going to put me down the line. I'm my own worst enemy. Ain't that a cliche.
I don't know how to end this post because I have too much on my mind. So I'm just going to grit my teeth a chop it off like a limb amputee in the war before they had surgeons, just dull knives and alcohol. I just really wish
